Be My Own Light

When I was two months pregnant, Julian asked me to give his childhood friend a blood transfusion. I refused because I was anemic, but his friends were all saying that I ignored the overall situation.

Anne is lying in the operating room and you're the only one with a matching blood type. What's wrong with donating a little blood? After saying that, several of them grabbed me and pushed me inside.

A fleeting moment of sympathy crossed Julian's eyes, but he steeled himself. "It's just a blood transfusion. Our child will be okay." I stopped struggling. A tear slid down my cheek.

After the transfusion, I dragged my weakened body to the gynecology and obstetrics department to have an abortion.

I stayed in the hospital alone for three days after the surgery, while Julian remained by Anne's side all the time. My womb was empty, but the pain was piercing my heart.

I ran into Julian, Anne and many of his friends when I got discharged. I was carrying my backpack alone, but Anne had Julian to help her walk.

Julian momentarily paused when he saw me. "Why are you still at the hospital?"

"Nothing." I hid the miscarriage and walked out the door with a pale face.

"We'll leave together," he said, grabbing my arm in a tone that left no room for argument.

Anne quickly entered the front passenger seat when we reached the car. Then she said with an innocent expression and sparkling eyes, "Scarlett, I just had stomach ulcer surgery and got carsick easily. Could you please let me have this seat?"

I didn't argue and opened the door to the back seat, but his friends all rushed in. Now, three grown men squeezed into the backseat at once. They stared at me with hostility.

"Scarlett, Anne is still weak. We'll all come to your house to take care of her."

I looked toward Julian in the driver's seat. His face was stiff, but he didn't say a word to refute them. I smiled bitterly as the sound of cicadas filled the air. How could I still have expectations for this man?

Julian's friends hated me. They thought he was perfect for Anne and saw me as a villain trying to break them up.

They treated me like a servant in my own house and Julian never once defended me. Even if I was pregnant with his child, I still had to give Anne a blood transfusion. They didn't even say thank you at the end; they just said it was my honor.

It wasn't the first time I'd been mistreated, but it was the first time I'd chosen to accept it without a fight. "Fine, I'll head home on my own."

I shut the car door and walked off ahead of them. It was rush hour, so I couldn't even catch a cab. As someone who had recently had an abortion, I wandered for an hour in the searing heat to come home.

I was greeted by harsh complaints when I pushed the door open.

"Scarlett, why are you so slow? We've been home for ages."

"We haven't eaten all night. Come on, let's taste your cooking again."

I turned my gaze to Julian and Anne. It was a sweltering summer day and the air conditioning was off because they didn't want the fragile Anne to catch a cold. Julian sat beside her, fanning her with a paper fan.

Despite breaking into a sweat himself, he ignored it entirely and kept fawning over Anne. Sam shouted after seeing I was quiet, "Julian, we're all starving! Tell your wife to cook us something to eat!"

Julian finally looked up. He casually ordered without noticing how pale I was, "Scarlett, go make us something simple to eat and make some soup for Anne. It'll help her recover."

A sharp pain stabbed at my heart, making it hard to breathe. I turned and walked into the kitchen, trying to block out their happy voices. I felt like a stranger in my own home.

I used to argue with them hysterically as if it could restore my dignity. Still, I didn't realize that my outbursts only fueled their arrogance.

Anne was always patient and different from my childish nature, but I've had enough. These people, this relationshipit's not worth the energy.

I was exhausted by the time I brought out the food. Anne offered to help but flinched away as I handed her the soup. The chicken soup spilled all over the floor and the bowl shattered into countless pieces.

"Watch out!" Julian quickly shielded Anne, but a large patch of my bare calf turned red from the scalding liquid.

"Scarlett, I know you don't like me, but you didnt have to drop the bowl on purpose!" Even though not a single drop of soup splashed on her, Anne threw herself into Julian's arms and acted like she had been wronged.

"That's right. What are you doing, Scarlett?"

"You've been targeting Anne for so long. We're all just friendswhy are you acting like this?"

"She let go of the bowl first."

I coldly swept my gaze over the people chastising me and spoke calmly. Still, Julian cut them off sharply before they could say more. "Scarlett, apologize! You've gone too far this time. Anne just got out of the hospital and you scared her."

Even though it was a hot summer day, I shivered uncontrollably as if I had fallen into a cold cave. The burning pain in my calf was nothing compared to the agony in my heart.

The man who once gave me a sense of safety and strength now seemed like an executioner, cutting me to pieces. The final thread in my mind snapped.

"Fine, I'll apologize." I laughed bitterly, tears welling up in my eyes.

Julian was taken aback momentarily and tried to reach out to me, but I dodged him.

"Dinner is ready and I've apologized. Can I go to my room to bandage my burn now?" I shook the blistered skin, hoping he would finally leave me alone. After saying that, I ignored the mess and returned to my room.

There was a lot of noise outside the door and I heard Anne's aggrieved voice. "I'm sorry. It's all my fault that Scarlett is angry. I'm such a jinx. I shouldn't cause you any more trouble."

I heard the door opening as Anne ran out and everyone worriedly ran after her. The door slammed shut with a deafening noise.

Just when I thought Julian would follow her, he pushed open the door and came in. He hugged me from behind and his big hand stroked my belly.

"Scarlett, why can't you just give in to her? Anne is still like a child. You need to be more understanding. Besides, we're having a baby now. Once I've sorted out work, I'll make it up to you with a proper wedding. Don't be mad, alright?"

His voice was unexpectedly gentle, with a hint of coaxing.

"Oh, so you do remember that I'm pregnant?" I pushed his hand away and couldn't help but sneer.

Julian's smile froze as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He picked it up and Sam's voice rang loudly in the quiet room. "Julian, hurry over! Anne fainted on the way here and we still need someone to pay for the hospital fees."

Julian grabbed the bank card we had all been saving from the bedside table without hesitation.

"Are you out of your mind, Julian?" I blocked his way, furious. "You're going to take the money we saved for our baby just to pay for Anne?"

His eyes darkened with frustration and he rushed out regardless of my obstruction. "Enough, Scarlett. Someone's life is at stake and all you care about is your petty nonsense. Stop being so selfish!"

I pounded his shoulder frantically, but he was so strong he pulled me out of the room. "Selfish? She's your childhood friend, not mine! Why should I spend my money on her?"

Julian seemed enraged by something I said and pushed me down like an angry leopard.

The shards on the ground hadn't been cleaned up and my exhausted body collapsed onto them. Pain shot through my body as I raised my hand to find my back and arms covered in cuts.

Julian has already left, not even looking back at me.

Staring at my bloody hands, I used the last of my strength to call for an ambulance before blacking out. In the haze of unconsciousness, I dreamed of the young boy he used to be. The one who climbed the hill with me to pray at the old church.

He clasped his hands together, his expression devout. "I'll protect Scarlett for my whole life. If I ever break this vow, may I meet a terrible end."

When I woke up, it was already late at night. I was the only one in the dark ward. A nurse came in, handed me a glass of water and helped me sit up.

She looked at my bandaged arms and couldn't help but sigh. "Miss, you just had an abortion and now you're like this again? Please take care of yourself and rest more."

I closed my eyes, letting the bitterness and pain wash over me.

After thanking her quietly, I opened my phone. The first thing I saw was a post from Sam on his feed. "Indeed, only Julian cares about Anne."

The photo showed Julian sitting on a hospital bed. At the same time, Anne rested her head on his lap, smiling happily and contentedly. A scumbag and a shameless womanno wonder people say they're made for each other.

The ache in my chest turned into numbness. I forced myself to push the sadness aside. They didn't deserve my tears or my pain.

I logged into my mobile banking app and checked my account. Thankfully, the 0-04.000 I had saved for myself was still there. I calmly transferred the money into my account.

My marriage with Julian also came to an end with the loss of this child.

I called the general manager and asked, "Ms. Lily, is there still a chance for me to be transferred to the headquarters?"

I was offered a promotion to headquarters because of my outstanding work a week ago. Still, I turned it down because I was pregnant and didn't want to be separated from Julian. Now, none of that mattered anymore.

"Scarlett, weren't you pregnant? Don't worry about work right now. Rest well and take care of yourself. There will be other chances in the future."

Hearing Lily's gentle voice, I breathed deeply to calm myself. "Ms. Lily, I lost the baby. I'd like to return to work as soon as possible."

There was a brief silence on the other end before she spoke. "I'll add your name back to the list. Losing a child isn't a small thing. Rest for a week and then report to headquarters."

I agreed softly, my voice trembling a little. "Thank you, Ms. Lily."

During my week in the hospital, Julian never came to visit.

Maybe he didn't even realize I was still pregnant. I wasnt surprised; that was just how he was. I used to make excuses for him all the time, but not anymore.

After a week of rest, my body had recovered enough for me to be discharged. During this time, I scrolled through Annes social media. Every single post was about Julian.

In the photos, Anne looked like a little princess surrounded by admirers. She was always at the center, filling her table with nutritious meals and countless gifts. Meanwhile, I was alone in the hospital with nothing.

Even the pearl necklace Julian promised to buy me now shone around Anne's neck.

It was odd seeing these things again and feeling absolutely nothing.

When I got home, it was just as I'd left it. Julian had been at the hospital with Anne. He hadn't come home and probably didn't even know I had been hospitalized.

I quickly packed my things, tossing the photo from my nightstand and burning the love letters he'd written me. I took off my wedding ring and left it on the coffee table.

When I was done, I looked around the empty house. It felt like it did when we first moved incold and lifeless.

I lowered my gaze to the divorce papers, picked up a pen and signed my name on the back. He showed up alone before I could call Julian to come home and sign the papers. When he walked in, I was talking to a coworker about work.

My coworker asked me about my flight and I replied, "It' tomorrow afternoon."

I hung up as soon as I saw him walk through the door.

He frowned. "What's happening tomorrow afternoon? A prenatal checkup?"

I put away my phone and replied flatly, "Just work stuff. Not a checkup."

Only then did I notice the food container in his hand. He met my gaze and handed it over.

"I'm sorry, Scarlett. Anne's been in the hospital these past few days and I couldn't leave her side. I bought you a fish soup to help you recover."

I didn't take it because the faint smell of fish made me nauseous. We had been married for years and he still doesn't know I couldn't eat fish. How ironic, but I didn't even have the energy to argue.

"Oh, right. This is Anne's silk dress. It can't go in the washing machine. Can you hand wash it tonight?"

I suddenly had doubts as I listened to these words and looked at the person before me. I didn't know if he had changed or if I had always married someone like this.

I said through my gritted teeth. "Just leave it there."

"I need to grab some clothes to change into. Then I'll head back," he said, quickly heading into the bedroom to pack.

I took that opportunity to walk over to him with the divorce papers. "Julian, our mortgage is all paid up. Just need your signature here."

He didn't suspect a thing and signed his name without hesitation. I watched him leave with his bag of clothes. Then, I booked a flight two hours later.

I slipped off my wedding ring and laid the divorce papers and the abortion slip on the coffee table. Those were the final things I wanted Julian to see. It was over between us.