Dear Brother, I Wish You Could Love Me Just Once

On my tenth birthday, I insisted on having ice cream. My parents had to take me out to buy it.

There was a car accident on the road, and only my elder brother Cheyne Jones and I survived with the protection of our parents.

From then on, my elder brother hated me to the core.

He took good care of my cousin, but he was cold and malicious towards me.

He often asked me, "How come it wasn't you who died in the car accident?"

As he wished, I had cancer and would die soon.

Coming out of the hospital, the diagnosis paper in my hand sentenced me to death.

It was unexpected but reasonable.

I suddenly really wanted to tell my elder brother Cheyne that his wish was about to come true.

Winnie called me at that moment.

"Cheryl, today is Brother's birthday, aren't you coming back?"

Winnie Wilson was my cousin. She called me Cheryl, but called Cheyne Brother.

Cheyne always called me by my full name, but called her intimately "Winnie".

The degree of intimacy was clear at a glance.

Every year on his birthday, I prepared gifts for him carefully, but he didn't seem to like them and casually threw them aside without even taking a look.

However, I thought he would definitely like the gift this year. After all, he had been looking forward to it for so many years.

"Well, I'll go back in a while," I answered.

As I was about to hang up the phone, I heard Cheyne's cold and disdainful words.

"Why do you ask a stranger to come here? It's a mood killer!"

Since the age of ten, I had been nothing more than a hated stranger to him.

When I arrived at the Jones family's villa, it was already evening and the lights inside were shining brightly.

Once upon a time, it used to be a warm harbor for me, but now I couldn't remember when was the last time I came back.

Pushing open the door, the original laughter and joy came to an abrupt halt.

Cheyne wore a birthday hat, and his face was smeared with pure white cream by Winnie.

It looked funny and heartwarming.

The memories of childhood began to come back.

Before the age of ten, when my parents were still alive, every year on anyone's birthday, I stubbornly put cream on Cheyne's face.

I arrogantly wrapped my arm around his neck and declared to everyone, "Cheyne is my elder brother, and no one is allowed to compete with me!"

Now I had lost my elder brother, but he already had a new younger sister.

Cheyne's face instantly sank when he saw me.

"Who let you come? You are not welcome here!"

I knew I was not welcome without him saying it, but I still wanted to find an excuse to see him.

I wanted to take a good look at him, maybe it was a farewell.

I forced a smile, pulling the corners of my mouth.

"Happy birthday!"

I handed him an envelope containing my diagnosis certificate.

"This is my last birthday gift for you."

Cheyne's face instantly turned dark, "Are you cursing me?"

He suddenly knocked the envelope out of my hand, the force was so strong that my arm went numb.

I didn't know if it was because death was approaching, but even the slightest pain was magnified several times.

"Cheryl, if you don't want to come, you don't have to. Do you think I will beg you to come?"

It's not that I don't want to come, I can't come anymore.

"Before leaving, clean up the mess in your bedroom. Winnie happens to need a music room."

I turned around and went upstairs, pushing open the door to my bedroom.

The furnishings inside had been frozen in time since I was ten years old.

The princess dresses my mom bought for me were still in the wardrobe.

I packed my childhood clothes into the box one by one.

There were also many items related to Chibi Maruko-chan on the desk, which Cheyne collected for me before I turned ten.

I packed a box full of warm memories before I turned ten.

On the day of my death, they were there to accompany me, at least I won't be lonely and afraid.

The suitcase was a bit heavy, my body was weak and I couldn't move it anymore.

When I was going downstairs, I accidentally looked up and met Cheyne's gaze.

I lost my footing, and the suitcase rolled down the stairs.

The items related to Chibi Maruko-chan broke free from the constraints of the suitcase and shattered.

Cheyne quietly looked at the mess on the ground, with turmoil in his eyes.

"Cheryl Jones, you're cruel, you're really cruel!

"Get lost, don't let me see you again!"

I didn't care about the pain from the fall, I crawled and stuffed everything, good and bad, into the suitcase.

Like a deserter, I escaped through the gate.

It was raining heavily outside, but it was embarrassing for me to go back since I came out in a hurry.

The door behind me opened.

I turned around with hope, thinking that Cheyne would shelter me from the wind and rain like he did when we were children, and protect me by his side.

But he just coldly threw the envelope I gave him into the rain.

The paper was soaked, the ink was mottled, and it was unrecognizable.

"Call the decorators tomorrow and and renovate the entire bedroom!"

I couldn't tell if the water in my face was sweat or tears.

I turned back and took a deep look at this place that had witnessed my joys and sorrows.

Farewell!

After getting out of the taxi, the rain outside was still drizzling.

In the community, it was dark, with only warm lights shining from the residential buildings in the distance.

After getting wet in the rain, I felt dizzy and cold, with my stomach churning.

The house was empty, without any sense of home.

It's okay, I still have them.

I opened the suitcase and took out the things inside one by one.

The items related to Chibi Maruko-chan had been damaged, and even the princess dresses were wet.

I didn't cry when I knew the diagnosis nor did I cry when I was kicked out by Cheyne, but now I couldn't control myself anymore. I curled up on the sofa, tears flowing like a bursting flood.

I always greedily wanted to hold on to the warmth around me, but in the end, I struggled in vain.

I still vividly remembered the sympathetic look from the doctor.

"Cheryl, spend more time with your family, do what you want to do, and don't have any regrets."

But... I had long lost my family.

In my life after the age of ten, only regrets remained.

In a half-awake state, my stomach hurt uncomfortably. Before I could even run to the bathroom, I vomited a mouthful of blood.

The bright red blood stung my nerves, as if it were the car accident from years ago.

Back then, my brother and I were protected by our parents, surrounded by a sea of bright red blood.

My parents had long been silent.

I was scared and cried loudly.

My elder brother tightly held my hand and said, 'Cheryl, Brother is still here, don't be afraid!'

He sang to me and told me stories.

After being rescued, I still held his hand tightly and followed him closely.

His leg was injured, but he still gave his hospital bed to me to sleep on even when he was on the drip. He sat aside and accompanied me.

How does my dear brother, who used to take care of me so much, disappear in the following years?

The blood awakened my terrible memories.

The strong facade I put on during the day collapsed in an instant. I trembled as I picked up my phone, hoping to find some comfort.

The phone was answered, but it was Winnie's voice that came through.

"Cheryl, please, can you stop bothering Brother?

"You caused him to lose his parents, but you can't help him with anything. Can you please stop causing him trouble?"

I stood still, stunned, as the phone was hung up at some point.

It turns out that in his heart, I am just a troublemaker, a harmful person!

I used to be the baby he held in his hands.

He gave me my name, saying that he would treat me well for a lifetime.

Feeling alternately hot and cold, my consciousness became a bit hazy, and I fell onto the sofa.

In a daze, a familiar figure broke in and anxiously and gently picked me up.

His embrace was so warm.

A deep and pleasant voice sounded in my ear.

"Cheryl, wake up, little dear, the sun is shining on your butt!"

I struggled to open my eyes, only to see the cold rental room.

The conspicuous blood on the floor and the tightly closed door reminded me that everything just now was a dream.

It was just a dream mad by a dying lonely person.

The day had already dawned, I touched my forehead and it was still very hot.

I went to the hospital with a stiff body and was scolded by the doctor.

"With your body, you dare to get caught in the rain, do you still want to live?"

Although he had a stern face, I felt the long-lost warmth.

The doctor asked me to stay in the hospital for two days for observation.

When I went to go through the admission procedures, I coincidentally ran into Cheyne.

Although he was wearing a mask, I still recognized him at a glance.

He also saw me, and a hint of surprise flashed in his eyes.

I suddenly felt a little scared.

I was afraid that he really knew that I was going to die, and I was afraid I would be his trouble again.

But I had a faint expectation. If he knew that I was going to die, would he be a little nicer to me, even just a little bit?

I was lost in thought, as if it had been a long time, but it was just a moment.

A delicate figure walked out of the pharmacy and approached him, holding his arm.

"Brother, the medicine is ready, let's go!"

My aunt, Winnie's mother, also died in that car accident.

Winnie's father quickly recovered from the pain and married a new wife. That family could no longer accommodate Winnie, so she moved to our house.

Three children supported the entire Jones family.

After Winnie came, everything changed silently.

Facing my crying and sobbing, my brother showed an impatient expression for the first time.

"Cheryl, can you learn from Winnie and be a little more obedient and sensible?

"Can you give way to Winnie? This is what you owe her!"

Until I was eighteen years old, he looked at me with disappointment all over his eyes when I came back in the morning, drunk and reeking of alcohol.

"Cheryl, I have been kind to you, so from now on, you're on your own!

"In the future, don't say that you are my younger sister anymore. My younger sister is only Winnie!"

My nose twitched, and I lowered my head, feeling at a loss.

Winnie whispered, "That person seems to be Cheryl. Is she also sick? Should we go and ask?"

Cheyne snorted coldly from his nose.

"Why do you care about her? It's all her own doing!"

All the random thoughts that had just arisen in my mind suddenly disappeared, and my heart felt like it had been hit by a heavy hammer.

When I was a child, even if I just coughed lightly, he would worry if I caught a cold.

Now, even I was very ill, he didn't even bother to ask.

He really didn't care about me anymore.

Feeling a cool sensation on my face, I raised my hand and realized that my eyes were wet.

Cheryl, it's okay.

Just wait a little longer, just wait a little longer.

Then you will be relieved.

The food in the hospital was really bland, so I ordered takeout.

I carried a lot of food and filled the table.

The fragrant smell awakened my taste buds, and my hungry stomach finally found comfort.

I picked up the chopsticks and filled them into my stomach one by one.

When my stomach was full, my heart wouldn't feel empty.

But eating too much eventually backfired, and I leaned over the toilet in the bathroom, vomiting uncontrollably.

I sat on the bathroom floor recklessly until the nurse found me.

She blamed me for not taking care of my body while secretly giving me half of her stomach-nourishing porridge.

"Miss, if you harm your body like this, your family will be worried."

Will Cheyne worry about me?

I inexplicably remembered what the doctor said that day.

"Take good care of yourself, and you can live for another two or three years."

But I had no reason to live on.

My brother hoped me to die for years.

On the day of discharge, the familiar little nurse chased after me.

She handed me a talisman.

"Miss, I don't know what you have been through. But if your parents were here, they would definitely feel sorry for you. So, even for their sake, you must take good care of yourself."

The advice from an acquaintance was so precious at the end of life.

Back home, looking at my pale face in the mirror, I thought I must keep decent at the end of my life.

I put on makeup, and my complexion looked much better. Then I went to the mall.

With the rise of online shopping, there were not many people in the mall.

After browsing for a long time, I finally chose a white long dress.

I was just about to take that dress when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Brother, this dress looks really nice, it must suit me well."

It was such a coincidence that I ran into Cheyne and Winnie at the mall during work hours.

Cheyne was a famous workaholic.

When I was fifteen, on a weekend, I begged him to accompany me to the mall, but he sternly refused because of work.

Now he was strolling around with Winnie on a workday.

When Winnie saw me, she calmly greeted me.

"Cheryl, what are you doing here?"

Her words might be unintentional, but they made Cheyne's face turn cold.

I didn't pay attention to them, I just wanted to buy the dress and leave quickly.

When Winnie and I both pointed to the dress, the salesperson kept apologizing.

"Sorry, this dress is the last one available."

"I was here first, so please wrap it up for me."

I might not be able to go out tomorrow. I didn't want to be humble this time.

Winnie didn't say anything yet, but Cheyne stood in front of me, just like countless times in my memory.

"Cheryl, give the dress to Winnie..."

I looked up and stared into his indifferent eyes.

"Yes, I am the elder sister, so I should give in to her.

"Besides, I owe her. If it weren't for me, her mother would still be alive and she wouldn't have to act according to others' will all the time..."

I said what he wanted to say first.

A trace of unnaturalness flashed across his face, and he coughed.

"It's good that you know! Hurry up and give the dress to Winnie!"

I pulled the corners of my mouth at him, probably laughing very ugly. I didn't remember how to laugh anymore.

"But, so what?

"Cheyne, I won't do it!"

For so many years, I silently gave in to her every time, my clothes, my room, even my brother.

Now I had nothing.

Cheyne obviously didn't expect me to refuse. He was stunned for a moment and wanted to say something else, but was stopped by Winnie.

I have bought the dress I liked.

But why am I not happy at all?

As the days went by, my physical condition was getting worse.

Buying a cemetery plot became part of my schedule.

I had set my sights on the plot next to my parents' grave, but the price was too expensive and I couldn't afford it with my remaining savings.

I wondered if Cheyne would give me some money, considering that I was about to die and fulfill his wish.

When I arrived at the Jones' residence, a grand banquet was being held inside.

I originally wanted to back out, but Winnie with sharp eyes spotted me.

She led me inside.

I was wearing loose casual clothes, looking like a clown among the crowd of people in suits and formal attire.

I hid on the balcony, watching Cheyne and Winnie standing together, toasting and chatting with others.

It was fake to say that I was not envious.

I blinked my eyes and turned to look at the night outside, silently thinking about when they would end.

I didn't know when someone came up behind me.

When I reacted, I was already enveloped in his shadow.

"After a few years of separation, Miss Jones seems to have lost weight."

I looked at his eyes, a sense of despair filled my heart.

I wanted to escape, but he blocked my way.

"Old acquaintances meet, don't we catch up?"

The fear at the age of eighteen swept over me, I kept retreating until there was no way to retreat.

I took out a knife from my bag and waved it in front of me to stop him from approaching.

It was just a backup because I was insecure, and I never thought it would become my lifesaver.

But that person kept pressing on, the knife in my hand cut through his hand, blood flowing.

"Cheryl! What are you doing?"

Cheyne's roar sounded behind me, and he slapped me hard.

"Are you awake?"

I was like a drowning person, mouth open but unable to breathe. My mind was in a daze, and the fierce beast in my mind was about to break free from its cage.

The man covered his hand, his face full of pain.

"I just wanted to say hello, but she suddenly went crazy and hurt me.

"Mr. Jones, you need to give me an explanation, otherwise..."

Winnie rushed over, seeing the situation here, she frowned and looked at me reproachfully.

"Cheryl, you have caused trouble for Brother again."

Trouble?

I am a trouble!

The gazes of the three people were like butcher knives, slowly torturing me with each cut.

My head hurt, my stomach hurt, and I felt pain all over my body.

"Cheryl, what do you want me to do before you can be sensible?"

I wanted to cry, but I didn't know who to cry to.

I wanted to get away from here.

My stomach churned uncontrollably, and I couldn't hold it in after a few attempts to suppress it.

Crimson blood gushed out from my mouth, staining my clothes in front of my chest.