Fractured Faith, Rekindled Affection

During a blizzard, three months pregnant, I waited for my husband to come and pick me up. But he never showed, and I ended up miscarrying.

The next day, I saw a post from his assistant, Qiana Lynch.

[Thanks to Dr. Millers amazing care, both my baby and I are doing great.]

The post included a picture of her ultrasound.

If this had been before, I wouldve lost it, yelling and making a scene. But this time, I just commented.

[Congratulations.]

I was done. I asked for a divorce.

He broke down, sobbing and begging on his knees for me to stay

A sudden blizzard hit and even the weather forecast urged everyone to head home early. By the time I realized how bad it was, it was already too late.

I checked my phone and saw a message from my husband, Jordan Miller, sent two hours ago. [Its snowing hard out there. Wait for me. Ill come pick you up.]

But two hours had passed, and Jordan was still nowhere to be seen. I packed up my things and called for an Uber.

The fact that he even offered to pick me up felt like he was just trying to make amends.

A few days ago, it was my moms birthday. Jordan had promised to go with me, but then claimed he had to work late and told me to go ahead without him.

My mom was thrilled when she heard he was coming. She cooked a huge dinner with all his favorite dishes. But he never showed.

He later told me he was swamped at work, but I knew he was lying.

Id seen his assistants social media post. [Dr. Miller said it was not safe for me to watch a movie alone, so he insisted on coming with me. So happy.]

That night, we fought. I showed him the post and demanded, My mom was so excited, waiting for you. And you? How do you explain this?

He got defensive and snapped, Caroline, why are you making such a big deal out of this? Your mom has a birthday every year. But shes just a young girl, new to the city. What if someone harassed her? Its not like its never happened before

He trailed off, realizing how weak his excuse was. Furious and embarrassed, he stormed off to the guest room.

We hadnt spoken since.

It had been a week, and this was the first time Jordan had reached out.

I struggled to get a ride and ended up waiting at the office for over an hour with no word from him.

Growing anxious, I headed downstairs, calling Jordan over and over. The phone rang, but he didnt pick up. Eventually, he just hung up on me.

Jordan didnt want to talk to me.

Helplessness and fear started to take over as I hurried out, my thoughts in a panic. In my rush, I missed a step and fell. Sitting there on the cold ground, I felt a warm, wet sensation spreading.

Sweat drenched me. I knew then that I was losing the baby.

I called Jordan first, but he didnt pick up. A few minutes later, he texted, [Take a cab home. Something urgent came up, and I cant make it.]

Before I passed out, I somehow managed to call an ambulance.

When I woke up, it was already the next day.

The ambulance had arrived in time to save me, but the baby was gone.

I tried to wrap my head around it, but the grief was overwhelming. No one knew how much I had looked forward to this little life.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, Id been planning her future, imagining every moment of her growing up. I didnt want to miss a single thing.

I checked my phone. No missed calls from Jordan.

I was about to call him, ready to share the heartbreaking news, when I saw an update from his assistant, Qiana, on social media.

[Thank you, Dr. Miller. Both my baby and I are doing great.]

Attached was a photo of a positive pregnancy test.

So thats where hed been all night, taking care of someone elses child.

When Jordan finally called, I was still in the hospital. I looked at his name on the screen, feeling nothing but frustration.

I didnt answer and just let it ring, over and over.

He stopped after the third call. As I stared at the forty missed calls Id made to him earlier, it hit me. Whatever love he had for me was long gone.

Jordan must not be used to me ignoring him because he soon sent a text. [Why arent you home? Dont you know its dangerous for you to be out while youre pregnant?]

I almost laughed at the absurdity of it.

Instead, I replied, [I had a miscarriage. Im in the hospital.]

His call came through immediately. His first words were, Caroline, are you serious? First, you threaten me with divorce, and now this. What else are you going to throw at me?

His voice was ice-cold, like he hadnt even considered the fact that Id been caught in a blizzard while pregnant.

And the irony? Hes a gynecologist.

Suddenly, I didnt want to say another word to him.

Just then, a call from work came in. I hung up on Jordan and took the work call instead, throwing myself into the meeting. I realized I needed to start focusing on my career and preparing for a life without him.

I spent three days in the hospital before Jordan finally noticed something was off.

He called and asked, Are you mad at me? Why havent you come home?

Works been hectic. Ive been sleeping at the office, I lied, too tired to argue.

He seemed uneasy with how distant I was and said, Im on day shifts today. Ill come pick you up tonight.

Sure, I said and hung up.

But I had already booked a ride home. I wasnt counting on Jordan to pick me up.

That blizzard made me realize I couldnt rely on him.

Since then, we barely spoke. I just let our conversations fade and focused on work.

By the time I got home that night, having taken the Uber, Jordan finally called. I thought I was supposed to pick you up. Where are you?

Oh, I forgot. Im already home, I said.

Caroline, whats your deal? Are you still upset about that snowstorm? I told you that I had something important to deal with that day. His tone was sharp, clearly irritated.

I felt drained. Jordan, how many times have you actually picked me up? Do you even remember? It only takes me ten minutes to get home on my own, but Ive waited until ten at night because you said youd come, only for you to cancel last minute. So is it really that strange that I forgot you offered this time?

He didnt say anything for a moment, then just hung up.

I shrugged. This was typical of him, making promises and then breaking them like it was nothing.

I made myself a bowl of noodles and a small side dish, savoring the food.

It struck me how long it had been since Id eaten a hot meal right after cooking it. Back when we first got married, even after I got pregnant, I always came home early to cook. But Jordan rarely made it home for dinner.

I usually ended up reheating the cold food just to eat by myself.

Whenever I tried to tell Jordan how I felt, hed snap, Im a doctor. Im busy. If you dont like it, dont cook. But dont complain after youve made it. I cant revolve my life around you.

Back then, I felt bad for him, thinking his job was hard and stressful. After hed lash out, I stopped asking for anything and just quietly waited for him to come around.

But soon, I realized things werent as simple as they seemed.

When Jordan came home, my meal was almost finished, and the side dishes were nearly gone.

He looked at the empty plates and, clearly annoyed, asked, Caroline, wheres my dinner?

You can make something yourself. There are leftovers in the fridge, I said, not even looking at him as I tossed the remnants of my meal into the trash.

Jordan lost his temper completely. He grabbed me and demanded, Why have you been so difficult these last few days? Ive tried to make things right. What more do you want? Why are you always causing trouble?

Jordan, if I say Im not causing trouble and you still dont believe me, then call it trouble. Ive been working all day and Im exhausted. Im going to bed now. Please try to be a bit quieter, I said, turning to walk away.

A moment later, I turned back and added, Oh, and since Im pregnant and you keep disturbing me, lets sleep in separate rooms. Ive already moved your stuff to the guest room.

His face turned dark as he heard me. He grabbed his car keys and stormed out, slamming the door so hard it rattled the walls.

I shook my head, thinking how childish he was being.

He was gone for several days without coming home.

It was starting to look like another cold war. If this had been before, Id have been a mess, constantly replaying every little detail in my head, wondering if Id raised my voice too much, if Id disturbed him at night, if his dinner wasnt to his liking, or if Id put too much pressure on him.

Id have been lost in self-doubt and second-guessing.

But now, I actually enjoyed the peace while Jordan was away.

Seeing him from outside that toxic loop, he seemed like someone with serious emotional issues, who was quick to anger, always putting others down, and preaching all the time.

I used to rush home after work, terrified of Jordan coming back and finding me missing.

All that fear and worry now felt pointless. All it did was make me feel better, while Jordan grew more annoyed.

Without his constraints, I threw myself into my work.

I landed a promising project, and my boss said that if I handled it well, my bonus would double and there would be significant opportunities for advancement.

I was excited and even worked on market research and product comparisons after hours.

By the time the project was wrapped up, I realized I hadnt contacted Jordan at all.

I didnt even have to guess where he was.

I tracked down his assistants social media and saw her posting these artsy, poetic updates. It struck me as pretty pretentious.

We were long past that stage of life.

But Jordan seemed to eat it up.

I saw a post from her saying. [I really envy her for meeting someone as amazing as you are so early. If, and I mean if, youd met me even a minute sooner, would you have chosen to love me?]

No surprise, Jordan had replied, [Yes.]