Alas, deep affection, shallow fate

1

So, my brothers best friend, Jake, and I had been doing this secret five-year thing, and we were supposed to go public on New Year's Eve. Major reveal, right? But at the party, he didn't say a word about us. Instead, he leans in close, like its some big joke, and whispers, Im kinda done with you. Why don't you go find someone else to marry, okay?

I just nodded, calm as you please, and said okay.

Last time, Id cried and begged him, totally obsessed with the idea of marrying him, him specifically. I got my wish, but then he turned into this cold, emotionless guy, wouldnt even look at me during sex. And when I was in the hospital, bleeding out during childbirth, he was off at Disneyland with his precious ex, celebrating her birthday.

Thats when it finally clicked. Love you have to beg for is never going to last.

This time around, I just smile and say, "Yeah, I'm over it too. Let's call it quits."

...

Jake blinked at me like I'd spoken Klingon. He clearly thought hed misheard. I was usually this firecracker, ready to blow up at the slightest thing. Why was I suddenly being so chill?

He ditched the joking tone and looked at me real serious, Riley, you know what I just said, right?

I kept the smile on my face, light and breezy, Sure, you said I should find someone new, right?

Last time, if hed said even half a thing I didnt like, Id have been on him like a cat with claws, digging in until he begged for mercy. But not this time. I was choosing me.

Jake frowned, Riley, whats gotten into you?

Before he could finish, a glass shattered nearby, and a blonde woman burst out the door crying. People at the next table turned to stare.

My brother, Liam, nudged Jake with his elbow, Wasnt that your ex who just went full drama queen? Whats she doing here, dude?

New Year's, man, you can't just go around breaking stuff. Was it because of you?

Jake's brow furrowed even deeper, and he stalked off after her. A few minutes later, the crying quieted down, turning into what sounded like a lovers' spat.

The food kept coming, and I just picked at what was on my plate. Usually, every dish they brought out, Id grab some and put it in Jake's little bowl. It was a habit from way back, since his work phone was always ringing, and he'd often have to run off mid-meal.

My brother always made a big deal about it, getting jealous: Seriously, youre always feeding Jake, like I'm not even here. You totally have a thing for him, don't you?

More than once I almost blurted out the truth, but Jake would always create a distance with me, tousling my hair like I was his kid sister, calling me his adopted sis. It was clear. He wasn't interested in going public with us.

Five long years, and not a single post on social media about us, not even on that "only me" setting. He didn't want there to be any trace of us, any evidence we had actually been together. But I was so stupidly in love with him that I just accepted being in the shadows.

Seeing me picking at food, my brother teased, Why dont you go check on your boy, or hell run off with another girl.

I paused, fork in hand.

If he runs off with another girl, thats his business, not mine."

"I mean, what can an adopted sis do, right?

Liam stared at me, like he was trying to figure me out.

It was Jakes birthday, and we had plans to make it official. But here he was, inviting his old flame, Sarah.

Then Jake came back in with Sarah. Her eyes were red and puffy, like shed been crying. Jake was holding her hand, trying to soothe her.

My brother whistled.

"Jake, Sarah, did you guys get back together?"

"It's not cool to throw things on a big holiday, is there a reason why?"

Jake looked up quickly, his eyes darting over to me, panic in his eyes.

Dont be ridiculous, shes just an old friend. I was just making sure she was okay.

My brother smirked, Oh, an old friend, huh? Im an old friend too D wanna show me some TLC?

Jake pushed him away, laughing, Get lost, man!

Seeing Sarah acting like a damsel in distress, I pulled my brother away, Leave them alone, bro. Let them have their moment. Right, Jake? I turned to him with a wide smile, Right, bro?

Jake looked a little shocked by the word choice, glanced at me strangely, but didnt say anything and left the room with Sarah.

As soon as they left, people started gossiping.

"I told you the old flame never dies down! The way they were tonight, they are totally gonna get back together"

Right, she needed a kidney, and Jake gave hers. What a crazy love story.

"Yeah, she got back in the US, there was no chance they are not gonna get back together."

Hearing this, my heart ached. Their destinies were linked. And here I was, looking like a fool, trying to keep a relationship in secret.

2

Last time, once Jake and I were married, things went sideways fast. He wouldn't touch me, wouldn't even sleep in the same room. He barely talked to me, and insisted we have separate sets of dishes. And when his parents wanted a grandkid, he forced himself to be intimate, demanding lights off, and shut his eyes the entire time, as if he was being tortured.

The very next day, he was spending the night at Sarah's place and wouldn't come home.

One winter, I came down with the flu, and was utterly drained. I asked him to take me to the hospital, but he refused, making up some work excuse and went to the nail salon with Sarah instead. The nail artist even told them they looked like a very happy married couple.

When I went into labor, I was home alone. Bleeding and screaming for help, I called him. He finally blew up at me: Its just having a baby, its not like Im telling you to go die, whats your problem?

Get a cab and go to the hospital. I'm busy; gotta go." He hung up on me. When I tried calling back, his phone was off. Meanwhile, Sarah's social media was blowing up with pics of Jake celebrating her birthday at Disneyland. Hes kissing her in every pic. It was at that very moment, I gave up on everything. If he doesn't love me, what is the point of having a child?

I let go of my grip on life, threw my phone out the window, and watched the blood spill out all around me. I died of blood loss, but even then, Jake thought I was overreacting.

At the birthday party, with the main guy gone, people went back to doing their own thing. I didn't have the mood for it, and after dinner, I was gone. Jake who used to text me every three minutes, tonight was totally silent.

Outside, New Year's fireworks were exploding. But I wasnt feeling it.

At midnight, a firework lit up the window. Jake, who never posted anything, suddenly updated his feed. The picture had Sarah leaning on his shoulder, sound asleep, looking so peaceful and innocent. The caption: Her.

It had barely been up a minute when the comments went wild.

"Congrats!"

"Happy new married!"

"I'm so happy for you guys!"

I hit the like button, but then I refreshed the page, and the post was gone.

A second later, Sarah messaged me.

"Jake drove me home, and I kind of fell asleep on his shoulder."

"It's late, so I was worried about him driving back home, so I asked him to stay for the night."

"You dont mind, right?

I replied with a simple ok.

Whatever. From now on, who Jake is with and what he does has nothing to do with me anymore.

As I was getting ready for bed, Jake messaged me too. Were they already in sync?

Sarah hasnt bought anything new for the holidays. You know you have some new clothes, can you let her wear them tomorrow?

"The stores are closed, it's too late to buy anything."

Reading that made my heart drop. The clothes Id bought for myself, brand new, that I hadnt even worn yet? I was supposed to give them to her for him?

What am I to him?

I didn't reply and just turned off my phone.

3

But the next morning, bright and early, Jake showed up at my house with Sarah.

At ten in the morning, theyre at my door with piles of gifts. Everyone in the house, aside from me, was thrilled.

Jake didn't have parents growing up and was raised by his grandma. Since he was our next-door neighbor, my parents always thought of him as their own child.

Jake looked at me deeply when he got into the house.

My mom smiled at Sarah, "You must be Jake's girlfriend! Oh god, you are so pretty, more pretty than the last time!"

"Auntie, you are still young and beautiful like the last time I saw you!"

Sarah was great at buttering up my parents, they were totally charmed by her.

"Riley, what are you doing in your room? Go greet your friend and Jake!"

I gave Jake and Sarah some tea with respect, Happy New Year, bro, Sarah.

Jake was looking at me like I was a complete stranger.

As I was using the bathroom, Jake texted me.

Whats with you?

I didnt even open the message.

When lunch came, we had a little issue with the table arrangements.

I sat in my usual spot, but Jake sat next to me without even asking.

That was my brother's spot.

My brother looked at the spot and Sarah's empty spot, eyes widening.

"Hey, what are you doing with my spot, go sit next to your girl!" He pulled Jake out of his chair.

A little bit of a commotion, and Jake was sitting across from me. But when he sat down, I became so uncomfortable.

He was looking at me with those serious eyes.

I was trying to avoid his gaze and started eating my food.

He went to answer the phone.

I saw his empty bowl and hesitated. In the end, I chose to ignore it.

When he came back, he made a point to look at the empty bowl and then back at me.

My brother noticed it and tried to explain, "He is not gonna steal your food, just eat whatever you want, stop picking on Riley."

Just at that moment, my mom looked at Jake and then at me, looking kinda curious.

She suddenly called my name.

Riley."

See Jake brought his girlfriend home today?

"When will you bring yours?

Jake opened his mouth as if to say something, but I cut him off.

If mom and dad, or the boys know anyone, introduce me please.

I usually rejected any offer like that.

My brother was immediately moved.

Riley, you finally wanna be normal!

If you want, I can get a hot date for you after dinner!

I laughed, saying ok. I also looked at Jake.

His lips were pursed, and his face was not looking happy.

We were all chatting, but he cut us off. "Auntie, please, Sarah and I are just old friends."

My mom was shocked, and Sarahs smile immediately froze.

My brother decided to mess with them, So you are single? You should introduce him to my sister."

When I heard this, my heart was beating so fast.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest.

He immediately pushed my brother away. "Don't be ridiculous, Riley is my sister."

And then my heart died. All hope was gone.

I took a deep breath and put up my best smile, Right, bro, stop it, Jake is my second brother.

After lunch, Jake and Sarah left. We didn't hear from him again.

I went out to eat and hang out with my friends.

On the fifth day of the new year, my brother had a class reunion.

Since I didnt have anything to do, he forced me to go with him.

I was already in bed and didn't want to go.

But he said, Today is a life and death moment for your bro, you need to be there to watch!

When I arrived, I realized that Sarah was planning to get back together with Jake. They said after Sarah returned to the US, their relationship immediately warmed up, and the possibility of them getting back together was very high.

One of my brothers classmates who worked at a jewelry store said Jake had been there a couple of days ago, looking for a ring. It was probably for Sarah.

Most of my brothers classmates knew me, they all greeted me.

Complimented me on my looks, and joked that I should find someone at the reunion.

I played along, I was laughing and having fun.

Jake looked at me quietly, didnt say anything.

Before dinner, Sarah invited me out for a talk.

Riley, I know Jake is very good to you, he will do whatever you ask.

So, when I confess to him later, could you say a couple of things to support me?

"This will definitely increase the chances of us getting back together.

Sarah looked sweet on the outside, but she was evil inside.

She knew I had a crush on Jake, but he refused to go public. She wanted to use my love for Jake, to crush me.

But she didnt know, Id already lost my hope in him in the past life.

So I smiled even brighter than she did. Okay, dont worry, Im definitely gonna help you.

Sarah made a face and went back inside.

During the dinner, Jake suddenly started putting food in my bowl, just like how I did it for him.

When the new chicken hot pot came, he put a piece in my bowl.

I covered my bowl with my hand, smiling, Bro, Im old enough, I can get it myself."

"Give some to Sarah.

The chicken was floating in the air awkwardly, and Sarah picked it up.

Jake, maybe someone here has caught the eye of your adopted sis, stop worrying about her.

While she was speaking, all of Jakes classmates were going up and greeting Sarah, welcoming her back.

When Sarah picked up the wine glass, Jake took it from her.

Sarah gets drunk easily. Ill drink this one for her.

As he said this, he finished the entire glass.

Everyone was clapping and cheering.

Jake was drinking one glass after another.

His cheeks were starting to get red.

Sarah touched him and spoke softly. "Jake, you don't have to drink that much for me."

I dont know if Jake was drunk or not.

He turned to look at Sarah with gentle eyes.

Its fine, they are bullying you for not being able to drink.

That sentence caused a huge uproar.

I knew this was the life and death moment for Jake.

Sarahs face turned red, and she spoke softly, Jake, after so many years, I cant forget you.

Can we get back together?

Say yes, say yes! Everyone was cheering for them.

Jake paused for a second, probably surprised that the story was developing in this direction.

Everything was perfect, the girl confessed, and the only thing left was the guys affirmation.

A love story was about to happen.

I clapped my hand and yelled, Sarah is pretty and in love with you, you should just say yes!

Jake looked at me in shock,

Riley what are you doing?

Aren't you my girlfriend? Why are you encouraging them?"