The Prince Regrets After I Die

In the winter of the seventeenth year of the Sterling Dynasty, I entered the Royal Palace as a low-ranking consort.

I did it because Lysander promised he would never betray me.

I traded the freedom my mother bought with her life just to walk back into these suffocating stone walls.

But within two years, he married the daughter of the Grand Duke as his Crown Princess.

He cast me aside like a piece of old trash.

He looked at his new bride with eyes full of tenderness, then turned to me with a voice as cold as ice.

"There is a world of difference between us, Nia," he said. "You are the dirt, and she is the sky."

What a line.

He was the phoenix soaring in the heavens, and I was just the lowly dust on the ground.

But after I died, the most noble prince of the realm spent a day and a night digging through charred ruins with his bare hands.

Those fingers, which were never meant to touch filth, were covered in blood.

He finally regretted it.

1.

Winter in the capital of Aethelgard lasted much longer than I expected.

I knelt in the snow wearing nothing but a thin silk dress, watching the minutes tick by.

"Look at you, Nia. This is what happens when you try to defy me."

Genevieve, Lysander's Crown Princess, walked up to me and grabbed my chin with her delicate, gloved hand.

She forced me to look into her eyes, making sure I didn't miss the contempt swirling in them.

"You have beautiful eyes. No wonder you managed to bewitch the Prince back then."

She let out a soft, mocking laugh.

"But unfortunately for you, he won't be tempted by a common slave like you anymore."

I didn't say a word. My body was so frozen from kneeling in the snow that I couldn't even struggle.

She suddenly let go of my face and looked down at me from her height.

"Someone watch her. Make sure she bows and scrapes every step of the way back to her servant's quarters."

I tried to stand up numbly, only to realize the snow where I had been kneeling was stained a dark, terrifying crimson.

"The Princess! Look, blood!"

A maid nearby screamed. My body finally gave out, and I collapsed into the freezing white ground.

When I woke up, I was in a side chamber.

Through the thin bed curtains, I saw Lysander's tall, elegant figure.

I could hear Genevieve sobbing softly in his arms.

"Lysander, I didn't mean it. I truly didn't know... I didn't know she was carrying a child."

"It's alright. I know you didn't do it on purpose, Genevieve."

His voice was soothing, devoid of the coldness he usually reserved for me.

"I don't blame you. It's just her own bad luck. She didn't have the grace to keep that child."

What a touching scene of a loving couple.

If I weren't lying on this bed, unable to move, I might have actually clapped for them.

It was hilarious, really. I was the one who lost the baby.

I hadn't even started crying yet, but Genevieve was already shedding tears.

I hadn't even accused anyone, yet Lysander had already declared her innocent.

I was the one dying on the bed, but no one even glanced my way.

I could feel the sharp stabs of pain in my body, but they were nothing compared to the agony in my heart.

I heard Lysander whispering sweet words to comfort her.

"Don't be afraid, my love. I'm here. Stop crying, it breaks my heart."

I closed my eyes. A single, icy tear rolled down my cheek.

I was wrong. I was so incredibly wrong.

I actually thought Lysander and I would grow old together.

I forgot that love is the most fleeting, ghostly thing in this world.

Especially between us.

As he said, we were worlds apart.

2.

Lysander and I had known each other since we were children.

I was only four when I first met him, a wild and mischievous little girl.

My father was the Duke of the North, the only man allowed to hold a title of that rank outside the royal bloodline.

Father had come to the capital to report to the King, and I followed my mother to the palace to visit the Queen.

I got lost while playing, and the Queen sent the young Prince, Lysander, to find me.

Mother, I brought her back.

He was three years older than me, standing quietly beside the Queen. He looked as perfect as a painting of a saint.

When he found me, I was sitting in the garden, crying my eyes out.

Stop crying, little one, he had said.

Take my hand. Ill take you to your mother.

I followed him like a fool, my small hand gripped tightly in his.

I didn't know why I trusted him so easily back then. Maybe it was because he was so handsome.

My mother always told me that a persons face reflects their soul.

I thought someone who looked that beautiful could never tell a lie.

But I was wrong. He was a master at it.

I bet my entire life on him, only to find out it was all a scam.

The Queen was a kind woman. She often complained that Lysander was too serious for his age.

And my mother complained that I was too loud to be a proper lady.

They decided we should play together. Usually, I would run around causing trouble, and Lysander would follow behind to clean up my mess.

No matter what I did, he never got angry.

He would just fix whatever I broke and walk me back to the Queens chambers.

He was so gentle, yet I noticed that everyone else in the palace was terrified of him.

Mother, why is everyone afraid to play with Lysander? I asked one day.

My mother pulled me onto her lap and tapped my nose.

Silly Nia. Its because your Lysander is the Golden Phoenix of this kingdom.

At that time, I didn't understand what that meant.

I was still the pampered little Lady of the North.

If Lysander was the most precious phoenix, I was the most expensive pearl in the realm.

3.

Later, my father was accused of treason for starting a rebellion.

The pearl was crushed into the dirt.

The news reached our estate on a beautiful, sunny day.

I waited in the yard for my father, who promised to take me kite-flying when he returned.

Instead, I got soldiers charging in with swords and spears.

My mother and I were dragged to the capital in heavy iron chains.

I was only seven years old.

The clouds in the sky turned into the mud on the ground overnight.

I went from being a nobles daughter to the family of a traitor.

I didn't even know if my head would stay on my shoulders the next day.

We spent three days in the dungeon until the Queen personally came to get us.

My father had taken his own life at the border when his army failed.

To show his mercy, the King listened to the Queen and spared our lives.

But we were to be locked away in the Cloud Manor, never to leave.

The Queen looked at me with pity when she rescued us.

What a shame. Nia was such a good girl.

Mother held me tight and said nothing, her eyes red from crying.

I was too scared to speak. I just felt a crushing weight of sadness, like the world had ended.

Before the gates of our prison locked, I saw Lysander.

He stood outside the red gates, right next to the Queen.

For a second, our eyes met, and I couldn't help but call out to him.

Lysander!

My mother quickly covered my mouth and pulled me back into the shadows.

Nia, youre all I have left, she whispered.

I didn't understand her pain then. I only knew I was trapped in a small, square house, stripped of my freedom.

No one came to see us, except for the supplies the Queen sent.

And Lysander, who occasionally appeared on the tall oak tree near the wall.

That was the first time I realized that the perfect Prince actually knew how to climb trees.

I used to hide in the corner and cry quietly so my mother wouldn't hear me.

Lysander would jump down from the tree like a hero from a storybook.

He knelt down and handed me a handkerchief.

Wipe your face. You look like a messy kitten when you cry.

I sobbed as I took it, and then I cried even harder.

He stood there awkwardly, watching me cry for an hour.

When I was finally exhausted, he pulled a package of sweets from his sleeve.

You must be hungry after all that.

That day, he spoke more words to me than he had in the previous year.

4.

I stayed in that desolate manor for six years.

My only comforts were my mother and the occasional visits from Lysander.

My mother cried every day. Sometimes she would wake up from nightmares and hold me, screaming for my father.

On my thirteenth birthday, my mother took her own life.

She had struggled for years just to survive, but in the end, she chose to use her death to buy my freedom.

I ran into the room and found her collapsing on the floor.

I held her in my arms, watching blood leak from the corners of her mouth.

Mom, don't leave me. Please!

She reached up and touched my face one last time.

Be a good girl, Nia. Im going to find your father and ask him why he left us. He owes me an explanation.

My vision blurred with tears. I couldn't speak; I could only howl.

Nia, once Im gone, youll be free. The Queen will take you out. Once you turn eighteen, leave this palace.

Never, ever get close to the royals again.

I remember her hand falling limp. Her eyes closed, and her breath stopped.

I sat in that cold room with her body all night.

The next day, the Queen arrived with the Kings decree to set me free.

Lysander was there, standing by her side. He was much taller than her now.

Nia, you will stay with me from now on, the Queen said.

I hadn't seen the sun outside those walls for six years. Everything was blindingly bright.

My mother traded her life to bring me back into the light.

I nodded obediently. I wasn't the cheerful girl I used to be.

From that day on, I wasn't Lady Nia anymore.

The bright pearl of the North died, and in her place was Nia, the Queens personal maid.

There was now a massive canyon between Lysander and me.

I couldn't call him by his name anymore. He didn't stand by my side anymore.

When we met, I had to bow and address him formally as Your Highness.

He was still the Golden Phoenix, the hope of the kingdom.

And I was just the dirt beneath his feet.

5.

During Genevieves first month in the palace, she found every possible way to torture me.

She threw the first cup of tea I served her onto the floor.

She made me kneel in her hall and copy palace rules a hundred times a day.

She truly loved Lysander, and she truly hated me.

She hated that I, a lowly servant, had spent more years by Lysanders side than she had.

She was jealous. Pure and simple.

Youre the daughter of a traitor. Staying near the Prince is a disgrace to him, she hissed.

Nia, you really are just like dirt. Cheap and filthy.

Her words cut through me like knives, but I had no choice but to smile and take it.

I thought Lysander would protect me.

I thought he meant it when he said hed always keep me safe.

Nia, I will never betray you in this life.

Young love is so easy to believe in.

But I was wrong.

On the tenth day of kneeling to copy rules, my knees were so swollen I couldn't get out of bed.

I sent someone to tell Genevieve I couldn't come.

She took it as a personal insult and went to Lysander, crying.

She was a beautiful crier. It made men want to save her.

That evening, Lysander walked into my room, his face dark with anger.

I hadn't seen him in weeks.

Im here to pay my respects, Your Highness.

You can get out of bed just fine. Why did you refuse when the Princess summoned you?

It wasn't a question. it was an accusation.

I could hear the annoyance in his deep voice.

I didn't do it on purpose. Its just... He cut me off before I could finish.

Just what? Are you going to tell me shes being mean to you?

Nia, when did you become so disrespectful and ill-mannered?

He frowned at me, his voice sharp with irritation.

My heart felt like it was being squeezed.

You think Im the one in the wrong, Your Highness? My voice was trembling.

Whatever. Go apologize to her tomorrow.

He turned around and left without a second glance.

I watched his back disappear, lacking the strength to call him back.

My maid, Lily, held me up as I wobbled.

My Lady, why didn't you tell him? Shes been torturing you. Look at your knees!

I looked down, tears streaming uncontrollably.

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell him. It was that it wouldn't matter.

Lysander had already made up his mind.

He decided I was the one bothering Genevieve. He didn't see my shaking legs or my swollen hands.

Love and indifference are both very obvious if you look closely.

When I was the Queens maid, he would notice if I spilled a drop of hot tea on my hand. He would sneak me burn cream.

Now, my hands were swollen and bruised, and he didn't even notice.

I didn't believe no one told him what she was doing.

He just chose not to listen. He chose to look away.

6.

The day Genevieve beat my maid Lily to death, I knelt in the pouring rain outside Lysanders study.

I wanted justice. I wanted justice for the girl who died because of me.

The rain was coming down in sheets, but I stayed there, gambling my life just to see him.

I beg you, Your Highness! Give Lily justice!

I banged my head against the stone floor until it bled. Finally, he came out.

He looked at me with nothing but impatience, as if I were a spoiled child throwing a tantrum.

What is it now? Its just a servant. Ill send you a new one tomorrow.

A wave of fury washed over me, stinging my nose.

Just a servant? Is a human life really just trash to you?

Lysander, I was so wrong about you.

He looked down at me, his eyes flaring with rage.

Nia, do you have any idea what youre saying?

Yes. Im asking you why you treat lives like they don't matter.

Fine. You want to know why?

He leaned down, his handsome face twisted in anger.

Because you and I are different. You are the dirt, and I am the sky. Thats why.