After I Died Ten Times for Them, They Finally Regretted

A deranged killer broke into our home and slaughtered my family.

To save my husband and daughter, I died nine times.

On the tenth rebirth, I finally kept them alive.

The price: both hands, both feet, hacked off. A urine bag for the rest of my life.

Even without memories of my past lives, my husband and daughter swore they'd trade places with me if they could.

I couldn't bear watching them drown in guilt. I didn't want to be their burden either. So I tried to end itagain and again.

After my latest stomach pumping, my daughter knelt before me, begging:

"Mom, if you die, I won't keep living either."

My husband pretended to reach for the pill bottle:

"She's right. This family lives together or dies together. Always."

Seeing the resolve in their eyes, I gave up on suicide. I cooperated with the therapists.

Every day after school, my daughter practiced piano for hours, determined to fulfill my abandoned dream.

My husband quit his overseas position just to stay by my side.

I thought this would be my happiness. Forever.

Then the killerreleased earlysent me a message: I'm going to chop your whole family into pieces.

I was about to call the police when I heard their thoughts.

Dad, practicing piano is exhausting. I gave up painting for Mom's dream. Sometimes I feel like I'm already dead.

My husband met her eyes and sighed.

I'm exhausted too. I gave up a promotion to take care of her. Every day feels like I'm just going through the motions. If only she'd died in that killer's hands back then.

That night, I bought them plane tickets to see the northern lights.

I stayed home. Alone. Waiting for the killer.

They stared at the tickets, stunned.

Ethan Dickerson spoke first: "Honey, what's this about? Why send us on a trip out of nowhere?"

Lily Abbott snatched the tickets, her voice cracking. "Mom, you're thinking about killing yourself again, aren't you?"

Watching tears pool in her eyes, my heart clenched.

I almost told them about the killer. Almost.

Then Lily's thoughts cut through:

Dad, if Mom wants to die this time, let's just... let her.

She's attempted five times and failed every single one. That proves she never really wanted to die. She's just testing us.

I get that she feels insecure, but this is so selfish.

My nails dug into my palms until blood welled up. I didn't feel it.

Ethan glanced at our daughter.

Lily, keep those thoughts between us. If your mom hears, who knows what scene she'll cause.

She has no idea what it's likeliving every day on edge, terrified that one bad mood means another suicide attempt. And then we're the ones cleaning up the mess.

I wish she'd just really die already.

But she ended up like this saving us... so I'll endure. We both will. And the day I can't take it anymore, I'll

The resolve in his eyes froze me solid.

I swallowed the bitterness coating my throat and forced a light laugh.

"Don't worry. I promised I wouldn't try again, and I meant it. I'll live properly."

Lily lowered her head, tears falling.

"Then why buy us plane tickets out of nowhere, Mom?"

That's what she said. But what she thought:

You bought these yourself, Mom. You begged us to go. You can't take it back. And you definitely can't beg to come with us.

If you pull another suicide stunt, you can't blame us for being too far away to save you.

She looked up at Ethan, and all that grievance in her eyes shifted into something else.

Anticipation.

[Dad, I have to go on this trip! Ever since Mom's accident, I haven't gone out to have fun once.]

[Other kids got a childhood. I've been living like an old person! We can't keep existing like thisneither living nor deadbecause of her! Let's be selfish just this once, okay?]

Ethan pondered for a moment.

His inner voice came through:

[Lily, you're right! These three years, we've been suffocating. It's time to give ourselves a vacation!]

I followed along with his inner voice and picked up the conversation:

"These past few years, you've both worked so hard taking care of me. You should go out and relax properly!"

Ethan met my sincere gaze, but still refused to nod.

"You mean well, and Lily and I appreciate it! But we're not at ease leaving you home alone..."

He tossed the problem back to me again.

I forced a smile.

Using the excuse I'd already prepared to coax them, I said, "The tickets are already bought. If you don't go, it'll be a waste. Just treat it like you're seeing the outside world for me."

"Besides, seeing the aurora has been Lily's dream since she was little."

Lily's eyes lit up.

But Ethan was still hesitant.

He took out his phone and, right in front of me, searched for flights departing tonight.

Seeing this, my daughter's inner voice immediately sounded:

[Dad, don't! Absolutely don't take Mom with us. How are we supposed to have fun dragging a cripple along? We might as well just stay home!]

Hearing that, the last trace of hesitation on Ethan's face disappeared.

As it happened, all the tickets for tonight were sold out.

He gave me an apologetic smile with some regret.

Then he started searching for an agency.

"Honey, since you insist on letting us go out and have fun, we'll hire you a caregiver."

I nodded.

"Okay, I'll listen to you."

I didn't want them to worry.

Even more, I didn't want them to become suspicious.

The two of them happily went to pack their luggage, chattering as they reminded me of all kinds of precautions.

As if those inner voices where they couldn't wait for me to die were all an illusion.

But they packed fast.

Like they couldn't wait to escape this home.

To escape me.

Right before leaving, Lily hugged me, reluctant to part.

My husband also gave me a farewell kiss.

"Honey, wait for me at home. If anything happens, call me or Lily anytime!"

My daughter's inner voice sounded again:

[Dad, you have to block Mom's number first.]

[So we don't get called back before we even board the plane.]

Ethan nodded at her, silently agreeing.

And I quietly withdrew the hand that had been about to unlock his phone.

Originally, I'd been planning to block my own numberso when the time came, the murderer couldn't use my phone to threaten him.

Even though it was a willing sacrifice, my chest still ached from the father and daughter's true words.

But my face still smiled brightly.

Don't worry. I won't disturb you while you watch the aurora.

Before leaving, Ethan reminded me again:

"Honey, if anything happens, call. We've already told the caregiver."

I smiled and nodded.

I watched them go out.

The moment the elevator doors closed.

Lily finally couldn't help laughing out loud.

"Dad! We're free! We're finally free!"

Ethan lowered his voice.

"Keep it down. Your mom might hear."

But in his tone, there was also an ease he couldn't hide.

I sat at the doorway for a long time.

Until the caregiver arrived on time.

"Mrs. Dickerson, your husband already explained everything. I'll stay with you around the clock until he comes back."

I looked at this kind middle-aged woman, only wanting her to leave quickly.

I don't want to drag innocent people into this anymore.

"Ma'am, you should go home and rest."

Clara froze. "How can that be? I turned down several jobs just to take care of you..."

I cut her off. "You misunderstood. I don't need you herebut I'll still pay you. Just call once in the morning and once at night. To confirm I'm still alive."

She hesitated, but eventually took the cash I'd prepaid. She thanked me profusely and left.

The door closed. In the huge house, only I remained.

I had someone come and install hidden surveillance cameras inside and out. As long as I died, the footage would leave that person with no way to escape justice.

After arranging everything, I pushed my wheelchair to the window. Watched night fall. Waited for the killer to arrive.

Soon, my husband and daughter would truly be free. I would never be their burden again. And there would no longer be a ticking time bomb threatening their lives.

My phone vibrated. Out of habit, I tapped it open, expecting to see what fun thing my husband and daughter were sharing with me.

The group chat for the three of us had been completely silent since they left.

I smiled bitterly at my own wishful thinking.

Then I opened Clara's text: "Mrs. Dickerson, your husband just called asking about you. I said you were in the shower."

I replied with a thank-you. Deleted the text. Then I deleted all contact information for Ethan and Lily. Finally, I restored the phone to factory settings.

I positioned my wheelchair facing the doorway, staring at the lock, waiting for release. No fear. Only calm.

Click.

The door opened. Marcus Finch walked in.

The scar I'd carved into his face twisted under the light. He scanned the empty living room and smiled.

"Just you?"

He closed the door and strolled closer. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes hit me like a wall.

"Where are your husband and daughter?" He squatted down to eye level. "Don't tell me they knew I was coming and ditched you."

Seeing my calm expression, he understood. He clicked his tongue. "Brave. For your family, you're not afraid to die again and again."

I stayed silent.

He grabbed my hair and yanked me from the wheelchair. My body slammed onto the floor with a dull thud. The catheter tube pulled tautsharp pain shot through my lower abdomen. I clenched my teeth and didn't make a sound.

"Call them."

He pulled out my phone and shoved it next to my mangled arm. "Tell them to come back. Otherwise" He drew a knife, pressing the cold blade against my cheek. "I'll chop you up bit by bit and feed you to the dogs."

I looked at the lock screen. A photo from last New Year's Daythe three of us together. Smiling so happily.

"I'm not calling."

My voice was calm beyond belief.

Marcus froze. Then he flew into a rage and kicked me in the chest.

"You filthy bitchyou're about to die and you're still this stubborn? You think looking like this, you can still protect them?"

The agony of my ribs breaking made my vision go black. But I laughed.

"If you've got the guts, kill me! They can't wait for it anywaymaybe they'll even thank you!"

He snatched the phone, unlocked it with my face, and frantically searched through the contacts.

But there was nothing in my phone.

"You fucking asked for this"

He roared, raised the phone, and smashed it into my skull.

Warm liquid ran down, blurring my vision.

"Think deleting everything saves you?"

He dragged me to the center of the living room like a torn burlap sack.

The knife came down.

Thigh. Arm. Shoulder.

Every stab avoided vital organs, but each one cut deep enough to show bone.

"Hurts, doesn't it?"

He grinned. "Beg me. Beg me to let you die clean."

I bit down hard on my lip.

Blood flooded my mouth.

I can't die.

Not yet.

They have to arrive safely. They have to see the aurora.

I can't let them leave excited and come back to tragedy.

Marcus seemed to read my mind. He stopped.

"Fine. You've got guts."

He grabbed a tissue and roughly wiped the blood from my face.

"I won't let you die."

"As long as you're breathing, they'll come back eventually."

"I can wait."

He dropped onto the couch and turned on the TV. A variety show's cheerful jingle filled the rooma sick contrast to the blood pooling beneath me.

Then my phone rang.

Marcus's eyes lit up. He lunged and snatched it.

Seeing the number, my heart stopped.

Hadn't Ethan blocked me?

Why was he calling?

Marcus answered and hit speaker.

Ethan's voice came through, warm with laughter and the sound of wind:

"Honey, you asleep? The aurora is incrediblepick up the video, watch with us"

Marcus cut him off, roaring:

"Your wife is in my hands! Get back here now, or I'll make her wish she was dead!"

The background noise was deafeningmusic, a cheering crowd.

Ethan didn't hear a word.

"Honey? What'd you say?"

Marcus screamed at him again, but fireworks exploded on the other end.

Frustrated, he stabbed me again, trying to force me to video call Ethan through WeChat.

I refused.

The fireworks finally died down.

"Honey, what was that? I couldn't hear you."

Seeing Marcus about to use me as leverage again, I threw all my remaining strength into knocking the phone away.

Hearing a strange man's voice, Ethan's tone turned ice-cold:

"Honey, why is there a man at the house? You told us to go on this tripso you could cheat?"

Marcus froze.

So did I.

"Listen!" Marcus yelled. "I'm telling you, your wife"

"Enough."

Ethan's voice was pure frost now.

"We finally get one vacation. Can you stop making drama?"

"You pushed us to take this tripwhat, regretting it now?"

"You know we're too far to come back right away. So instead of the suicide act, you're trying this pathetic stunt?"

My heart plunged into ice water.

But beneath the painrelief.

Relief that he believed that.

Let him think I cheated. Let him think I'm causing a scene. As long as they're safe, everything I've sacrificed is worth it.

"Dad, what's going on?"

Lily's voice cut in, heavy with annoyance.

"Is Mom doing the suicide thing again?"

"Your mom found herself a man and wants to drag us home!"

Lily sighed, exhausted.

"Mom, can you stop using the fact that you saved us to guilt-trip us?"

"Yeah, you saved us. But Dad and I haven't had it easy either. Can't you just let us breathe for two days?"

Every word was a knife, stabbing into the softest part of my heart.

Marcus held up the phone. His expression shiftedvicious to stunned, then to an absurd burst of laughter.

"Alex Simmons. This is the family you died nine times to protect?"

He leaned close, his face full of mock pity. "The people you're risking your life for don't even care whether you live or die."

I froze. Marcus had been reborn too?

On the other end of the line, Ethan finally seemed to sense something was off. "Honey? Are you okay?"

I summoned every ounce of strength I had left. "I'm fine! You guys have fun!"

He hung up immediately.

The busy tone echoed through the empty living room.

Marcus smashed the phone. The brutality in his eyes nearly spilled over.

"They don't want you anymore." He repeated it, word by word. "Did you hear that? They don't want you anymore."

I closed my eyes. The corners of my mouth lifted.

Good.

That way, they wouldn't rush back. They wouldn't walk into danger again because of me.

"What are you smiling about?"

Marcus grabbed my hair. The knife came down again.

This time, there was no restraint. No interest in keeping me alive. Rage had stolen his reason.

Warm blood sprayed from my neck. Searing pain swallowed my consciousness.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw the northern lights too.

Brilliant green ribbons stretched across the entire sky.

Ethan and Lily stood beneath them, laughing. So happy.

My soul followed them as they watched the aurora, then drifted back with them to the warm log cabin.

The fire crackled in the fireplace, painting their smiling faces red.

"Dad, even the air here is sweet!" Lily spread her arms and breathed deep. "No disinfectant. No smell of urine bags. Just snow and pine needles."

Ethan poured her a cup of hot cocoa. "Drink slowly. Don't burn yourself."

His voice had a lightness it hadn't carried in three years.

Lily took a sip, then said softly, "Dad, tell me the truth... do you feel like this trip is especially freeing?"

Ethan was quiet for a long moment.

Then he nodded.

"Your mom has had it hard these past few years." He paused. "We've had it hard too. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, see that hollow look in her eyes, and I..."

He stopped.

But I knew what he wanted to say.

Those sleepless nights. Those days of walking on eggshells. Those moments when guilt and exhaustion crushed you until you couldn't breathe.

It really was unbearable.

"Dad, if..." Lily's voice dropped even lower. "I mean, if one day Mom really... goes. What will we be like?"

Ethan didn't answer right away. He gazed out the window at the auroragreen light flowing across the night sky like an enormous silk ribbon.

"I'll be sad. I'll feel guilty. But..." He took a deep breath. "Our lives will get back on track. You can study painting. I can go back to work I actually enjoy. We won't have to be on edge every day, terrified she'll kill herself. We won't have to calculate when to change the urine bag. We won't have to smell that disinfectant that never fades."

Lily's eyes lit up. "Then if Mom isn't here, where should we go next? I want to go to the beach! I want to learn to surf! I want to stay up late watching the sunrise without worrying about home!"

Ethan smiled and ruffled her hair.

"Okay, we'll do whatever you say."

"We can hit up Italy toosee the Renaissance originals you've always wanted."

"Japan for the cherry blossoms."

"Africa for the great migration."

The more they talked, the more excited they got. As if three years of suppressed dreams had finally found an outlet.

I floated in front of them, quietly listening to those beautiful-sounding days.

Even the knife wounds on my body no longer hurt. My heart wouldn't hurt anymore either.

It was just a little cold.

"But" Ethan suddenly sighed. "These are all ifs. Your mom is still here. What we owe herwe can't pay it back in this lifetime."

The smile faded from Lily's face.

"I know. So I'm just thinking about it."

Ethan put an arm around her shoulders.

"Lily, from now on, you live the life you want. The second half of your mom's lifeI'll handle it. This is what we owe her."

His tone was firm. But it carried deep exhaustion.

I raised my hand, gently stroking the wrinkles on his forehead, and softly said:

"Soon, you'll all be able to live the life you want."

Just then, Ethan's phone rang.

He didn't even lookassuming it was me, his tone sharp with irritation:

"Alex, why are you still not asleep this late? Can't you take care of yourself? Worry me and Lily less"

A stern voice cut him off:

"Mr. Dickerson, we're with the Eastview Police Department. Your wife, Ms. Alex Simmons, was murdered at home yesterday."