My mom sent me to quit love

1

Mom thought I was boy-crazy.

So she shipped me off to a re-education camp.

They broke me there.

I learned what they wanted me to learn: to fear guys.

Mom was thrilled.

I should have done this sooner, she said, all smiles.

Then she saw the scars.

She realized she'd messed up.

She begged my forgiveness, kneeling on the floor.

...

Today was my escape from hell.

It was Labor Day weekend, and Mom was picking me up.

"This is all because you were sneaking around with boys, you know?"

"It's for your own good."

Mom wouldn't shut up on the drive home.

I kept my head down, didn't dare argue.

One wrong word and I'd be back there.

The thought alone made me shake.

We pulled up to the house.

Dad was already at the table, beaming.

He held his arms out for a hug.

But seeing him, I couldn't breathe.

My whole body ached.

I felt like I was suffocating.

At that camp, you couldn't look at guys.

Not real ones, not even pictures.

Break the rules, and you paid.

Yelling, whipping, shock therapy, solitary...

Once, they found a magazine with a male model in my stuff.

They hung me upside down over a pool, gagged me with a towel.

They'd drop me in the water.

Just when I was about to black out, they'd haul me back up.

Over and over.

I thought I was going to die.

Ever since, I'm terrified of guys.

Even my own dad.

Mom nudged me.

"Go on, say hi to your father."

"You used to be so outgoing, now you're just pathetic."

Her voice dripped with disappointment.

I froze, then shuffled inside.

I forced a smile, sat down, and started shoveling food.

I wanted to show her I loved her cooking.

But I forgot about my stomach.

They'd pumped me full of dirty water at the camp.

Now I have ulcers.

They didn't want Mom and Dad to find out, so they secretly took me to the hospital and cut out half my stomach.

I barely swallowed a few bites before the pain kicked in.

But I kept going.

I didn't want to upset Mom.

Finally, I couldn't take it.

I pushed away from the table, ran to the trash can, and started throwing up.

Mom exploded.

"I made a whole feast, and you're acting like it's poison? I should send you back for some more 'adjustments'!"

I panicked.

I didn't even wipe my mouth before dropping to my knees.

"Mom... I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you want, just don't send me back..."

I grabbed her jeans, begging.

Mom stared, shocked.

She frowned, not saying anything.

Dad chimed in.

"Honey, maybe she just has a stomach bug. Call the camp, see if there's been an outbreak."

Mom nodded, reaching for her phone.

I latched onto her hand, shaking my head.

"No, please, I was fine there. Don't call... don't call..."

Going back would break me.

It would kill me.

Mom ripped her hand away, grabbed her phone, and walked out.

I collapsed on the floor, repeating the same words over and over.

Don't call.

Dad tried to help me up.

His touch felt like an electric shock.

I screamed.

"Get away from me!"

His hand froze.

He tried to sound calm.

"Don't be scared. Mom and Dad love you. We only sent you there to help you get back on the right path."

"Tell me, what's wrong? I can fix it."

I fought the fear, looked up at him.

He looked so serious, so sure.

I wavered.

My mouth opened.

I was about to talk.

Then the door slammed open.

2

All the color drained from my face.

She grabbed my hair, yanking me to my feet.

She slapped me hard.

Dad stepped in front of me.

"She's still a kid, don't do that."

I felt numb.

After what I'd been through at that camp, Mom's little slap was nothing.

"You think you're so smart?" she yelled.

"They said you weren't eating, that you were sneaking junk food. And they said you have a boyfriend!"

Boyfriend.

I started to shake.

Mom dropped the words that made me feel like I was drowning.

"If you don't break up with him, I'm sending you back!"

Dad looked disappointed.

"Honey, how could you do this?"

I turned to Dad.

I felt a wave of suffocation rising from my chest, spreading through my body.

I had almost trusted him.

My lips trembled.

I tried to explain, but the words wouldn't come.

"Mom, please, there's nothing going on... I'll do whatever you say, just don't send me back..."

I knelt, looking up at her with tears streaming down my face.

She stared down at me, confused.

"This is the second time you've been on your knees. You never used to be like this."

"Where's your backbone?"

I lowered my head and smiled.

It was a bitter smile.

What's pride compared to staying alive?

I used to be so bubbly, so full of life.

I joked around, made friends with everyone.

But I ate lunch with a boy, and suddenly I was "boy crazy."

She sent me to that camp, said it was for my own good.

She had no idea what happened to me there.

At first, I tried to tell her.

But she didn't believe me.

She told the staff everything I said.

One day they stripped me naked and burned me with a hot iron.

They only stopped when I begged them, promising never to tell Mom and Dad anything they didn't want me to say.

Labor Day weekend was coming up, Mom finally got me out.

I'd rather die than go back.

So I tried to be the perfect daughter.

But why was I still going back?

Wasn't I obedient enough?

I just couldn't take it anymore.

I'd never even look at another guy.

Shouldn't Mom be happy about that?

Why did she have to hate that I became a coward?

I stood there, not moving, letting Mom's words rain down on me like hail.

"I'll give you one more chance, a few days to prove yourself. If you act right, you can go back to school."

Mom ended with that.

I looked up, hope flickering in my chest.

Could I really escape that camp?

I promised, "I swear, I won't go near any boys."

I meant it.

Now, just seeing a guy made me sick.

My heart would race, I couldn't breathe, I'd start shaking.

Mom seemed a little relieved.

She nodded.

"Study hard these next few days. It all depends on you."

3

I stayed in my room, glued to my desk, studying.

I didn't talk to any of my friends.

Mom watched me on the security camera.

She smiled, finally pleased.

She patted my shoulder.

"Looks like that place did some good."

"If I'd known it would work this well, I would have sent you there sooner."

I didn't say anything, just smiled back, trying to please her.

The next day, she took me to enroll in school.

On my first day back, I stood at the school gates, backpack slung over my shoulder.

My feet felt like they were cemented to the ground.

There were too many guys here.

I felt dizzy, couldn't get enough air.

"What are you waiting for?" Mom snapped. "Want to go back to camp?"

Hearing those words, I recoiled.

I forgot where I was.

"No!" I screamed.

Everyone stared.

Mom jumped back, frowning.

"Enough. If you don't want to go, get to class."

I had one thought.

Never go back to that hellhole!

Ignoring the stares, I bolted into school.

I found my classroom, my assigned desk.

My deskmate was a guy.

I scooted as far away as I could.

All day, I kept my head down, reading.

I didn't look at any boys, didn't talk to anyone.

At the end of the day, my deskmate stopped me.

"Hey, do you have something against me?"

His voice was soft, but it still made me panic.

I shook my head, pushed past him, and ran.

I didn't hear him calling after me.

I kept my head down on the way home too.

Too many men on the street.

I knew it wasn't healthy, but I couldn't control it.

I was walking through a deserted patch of woods when someone grabbed me.

I spun around.

A group of girls with rainbow hair, smoking cigarettes.

"So, you're the freak who sits next to my man in class? And you turned him down?"

I instinctively denied it.

"I didn't..."

They laughed and shoved me into the woods.

They circled me.

Insults, taunts, punches, and kicks.

"If you tell your parents, we'll kill you!"

They laughed and walked away.

After they were gone, I stood up.

What did a few bruises matter?

I didn't care anymore.

I reached my front door, pulled out my key.

The small key felt heavy, like it was burning a hole in my hand.

I opened the door.

Mom smiled.

"How was school?"

She looked me up and down, frowning.

"Why are you so dirty?"

I forced a smile.

"I tripped on the way home."

She gave me a look, but didn't push it.

She just told me to change.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

At dinner, I found my voice.

"Mom, I'd like to switch desks. I'm sitting next to a boy."

Mom looked thrilled.

"That's the spirit. You should focus on your studies, not hanging out with boys."

"I'll talk to your teacher tomorrow."

I managed a weak thank you.

Mom sighed.

"Since you got back, you haven't been the same with your dad and me..."

I didn't answer.

I just ate my food slowly, trying to act normal.

I was so tired.

Maybe I was the problem.

Why couldn't I ever make my parents happy?

I lay in bed.

It was late.

The lights outside went out one by one.

But my brain was wide awake.

I didn't want to fall asleep.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the camp.

It was always the same.

So, I stared at the ceiling until morning.

4

After switching desks, I went to school every day.

There were still plenty of guys around, and I was still on edge.

I didn't talk to anyone.

The other students treated me like a weirdo, avoiding me.

I was okay with it.

It was better than camp.

One day after school, I was hurrying home when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around.

It was the boy I'd had lunch with.

He looked happy.

"Long time no see."

"I heard you were sick. Are you better now?"

I stared at him, fear in my eyes, backing away.

He looked startled and grabbed my arm.

"Are you okay?"

Just then, Mom walked by, carrying groceries.

She saw him touch me.

"What are you doing?"

She screamed.

She ran over and pulled us apart.

She threw her groceries at me.

Eggs broke, dripping down my clothes.

I felt numb.

A crowd gathered.

They tried to calm Mom down.

"Even if something happened, go home and talk about it. Don't embarrass your daughter like that!"

Mom just got angrier.

"She's a tramp! No shame at all!"

Mom's yelling was nothing compared to the camp's punishments.

I thought I wouldn't care.

But hearing those words from her made my body shake.

A sharp pain stabbed my chest.

I forced the words out.

"Mom, there's nothing between us..."

"Don't lie to me!"

Mom laughed.

She grabbed me and twisted my face towards the crowd.

"Everyone, look at what I got. This is what I get for being a mom! You're just a problem!"