The Dead Husband's Heir, A Scandal

My student, Brittany, was seriously strapped for cash.

Her mom had some gnarly kidney disease, and I felt bad.

So, being the bleeding heart that I am, I loaned her a chunk of money.

She swore shed pay me back after graduation.

Yeah, right.

Instead, she struts up to me on graduation day waving an ultrasound pic.

Your moneys basically your husband's, right? Well, guess what? Im carrying his heir! So, I think we're even. You should probably start packing, honey.

I just stood there, blinking.

My husband, Tom, has been dead for seven years.

Then I saw Brittany making out with my freakin' gardener.

Suddenly, Brittany's "heir" made a whole lot more sense.

...

Graduation day.

I was there to cheer on my students and, you know, casually remind Brittany about the ten grand she owed me for, like, everything.

Before I could even say hello, she gives me this look like I'm something she scraped off her shoe.

Jessica, go fetch your car and drive me home.

I stared.

Excuse me?

Brittany lets out this little laugh, pulls out the ultrasound, and shoves it in my face.

I grabbed the picture, seeing early pregnancy plastered on the top of the page, dating back to 10 weeks.

I rolled my eyes.

What is with these college kids these days?

They get knocked up, and suddenly their teachers are their personal chauffeurs?

And don't forget the attitude.

Brittany, honey, what does your pregnancy have to do with me? Why would I drive you home?

Her little sidekick, Ashley, jumps in, all righteous indignation.

Wow, Jessica, that is cold. Brittanys pregnant and can barely move! And it's not like we want you to drive us. The only reason we're asking is because your car is so fancy, comfy, and, most importantly, safe!

Are you both on crack? I don't see why my car is any of your business, much less have you asking for favors!

I was seriously reaching my limit.

I turned to leave, but Brittany blocked my way, arms crossed like she owned the place.

Oh, youre not just driving me home today, Jessica. You're driving me home every day. And you're packing my lunches, making my dinners, and catering to me and my little bundle of joy.

You'll listen to everything I tell you to do. And if I'm even slightly uncomfortable, you'll regret it.

I took a deep breath and reached out to feel her forehead.

Nope, no fever.

Honey, are you out of your mind? Youre pregnant, not the freakin Queen of England! Why would I wait on you hand and foot?

I dont care if you're comfortable or not, because you are not my responsibility, you fruitcake!

Brittany and Ashley exchanged a look, a smug little flicker in their eyes.

Ashley stepped forward, patting Brittany's stomach with way too much reverence.

Jessica, you dont know, do you? Brittany's carrying your husbands baby!

Tom's a big shot, the CEO of some fancy company. This kids gonna be rolling in it!

My brain short-circuited.

I couldnt even form a coherent thought.

My husband, Tom, had been dead for seven years, after all.

Seeing my reaction, Brittany and Ashley practically vibrated with glee.

Whats the matter, Jessica, scared now?

You better apologize and start groveling! If you serve me hand and foot until the baby arrives, maybe, just maybe, I'll tell Tom to give you a few bucks in the divorce settlement.

Ashley, desperate to impress Brittany, chimed in, her voice dripping with venom.

Jessica, you should be thanking Brittany. You and Tom have been married for, like, seven years, and your womb is still empty. What's wrong with you, can't you have children?"

Im sorry to break it to you, but this family needs a successor, and now that Brittany's pregnant with Tom's child, you should be jumping for joy!

I rolled my eyes.

My husband had been dead for seven years; there would be hell to pay if I did get pregnant.

"My husband..."

Enough, Jessica. Spare us the lies. Tom already told me he's sick of you. He can't stand looking at your face, your almost-30 skin is so gross. Unlike me, I'm young and fresh, full of collagen!

Brittany cut me off, preening like a peacock.

She actually touched her face, like she was checking for wrinkles.

You've got it all wrong

Oh, and Jessica, forget about the money you loaned me. It's basically your husband's anyway. I'm carrying his heir, so it is a no brainer for you to leave your riches to us.

Brittany didn't even give me a chance to speak, just unloaded a whole heap of garbage.

Ashley, ever the sycophant, jumped in.

Jessica, for years you have been driving luxurious cars, wearing fancy brands, and using Tom's wealth, but you did not even bring him a son.

If I were you, I would be very ashamed, but thankfully our Brittany is so sweet, and more importantly, fertile, and she will bear a child for your husband!

These two were clearly delusional, and I was rapidly losing patience.

Finally, before Brittany could launch into another ridiculous tirade, I snapped.

Okay, knock it off. My husband died seven years ago. How could he possibly get you pregnant? Did he come back as a ghost?

If you're trying to scam someone, at least do your research. Don't go around badmouthing dead people, it's just creepy.

I thought that would shut them up.

Nope.

Brittany let out a snort, eyes narrowed.

Jessica, you are unbelievable! You're so desperate to hurt me that you're claiming Tom's dead! He's your husband!

You are so evil! I'm telling Tom about this the next time I see him. He will divorce you on the spot!

Ashley scurried over to Brittany, patting her arm.

Don't get upset, sweetie. She's just trying to get a rise out of you, make you stressed so you will be more prone to getting a miscarriage. It's terrible for the baby!

She's right! You're so calculating!

Brittany looked at me like I was the devil incarnate.

Thats your plan, isnt it! Well, Ive got news for you, Jessica. Tom already took me to get the baby tested. Its a boy!

And Tom said that he will be a wealthy heir, and that no one is allowed to touch him!

I was so speechless, I actually started to laugh.

I stared at Brittany, my head throbbing.

Are you deaf? I said my husband is dead! He can't get you pregnant! If someone told you he's my husband, you've been scammed. Go to the police, dont come cry to me!

Liar!

Brittany was clearly losing it.

She whipped out her phone and shoved a picture in my face.

Look at this! It's the CEO's office at (Insert Company Name Here)! Who else can get in there except your husband? Who else runs that company?

Jessica, if you say that again, I'm calling Tom right now and telling him to divorce you!

I glanced at the photo.

Okay, it was the CEO's office at (Insert Company Name Here).

But who else had access?

The cleaning crew? My assistant?

I was getting a headache.

I waved my hand dismissively.

Fine, call him. Have him divorce me right now. I'd love to see you pull that off."

Brittany, huffing and puffing, punched a number into her phone.

She made a few calls, but nobody answered.

Her face flushed red with embarrassment.

He's probably in a meeting. He'll call me back later, and then I'll tell him everything you said!

I took a deep breath and looked Brittany in the eye.

As your teacher, I feel obligated to say this one last time: my husband is dead. If someone told you he's my husband, you've been conned."

Also, I don't know where you got that picture of the (Insert Company Name Here) office, but (Insert Company Name Here) has been thriving under my direction for years..."

Pfft!

Oh my God, Jessica, you are delusional! You're not trying to say that (Insert Company Name Here) is successful because of you, are you?

Before I could finish, Brittany burst out laughing, clutching Ashley for support.

I shrugged.

So?

What was so funny? I was running (Insert Company Name Here)!

When Tom got sick, he didnt want to burden me with a sick husband so he did not want to marry me.

But he also wanted to make sure (Insert Company Name Here) was in good hands, so he secretly got married with me.

That way, I would inherit everything.

After he died, I spiraled into a depression.

My therapist suggested I get out of my old life, so I took a job teaching at the local community college.

Jessica, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! You're just a broke college teacher! Do you even know what it takes to run a big company? Pathetic!

So true! Jessica acts like she knows something about CEOs."

Brittany and Ashley dissolved into another fit of giggles.

Brittany then stormed over and snatched my car keys.

Okay, you're embarrassing yourself. Since you wont drive me, your car is mine now!

And don't forget that Hermes bag you took to work yesterday. Bring it to me tomorrow, I really love it!

They turned and strutted toward my car, all swagger and entitlement.

I just smiled and pulled out my phone.

No need to argue. I dialed 9-1-1 and reported my car stolen.

I decided to stay in the faculty housing that night.

I needed to figure out who was claiming to be "my husband" and knocking up my students.

Around 11 PM, I got a call from the police.

They found my car. And the thieves were at the station.

I arrived at the police station and could already hear Ashley's pathetic wailing.

Brittany, you said Tom was crazy about you! So why hasn't he come to pick us up?"

The cops said we stole Jessica's car. If I get a record, my life is over! I did this for you. You owe me!

Brittany was pacing, looking frazzled.

Shut up, Ashley! Tom's probably busy. He wouldn't leave me here, especially with his baby growing in my stomach!

What do you mean his baby! I would not be surprised if you just got played!

Ashley, being the fake friend that she always was, was getting agitated.

She rolled her eyes.

But then she saw me and her eyes widened.

Jessica! You put us in here and you still have the nerve to show your face!

Brittany whirled around, her expression a mix of anger and desperation.

Jessica, you called the cops on us! Youre crazy!

I already called your husband. He's on his way. See how he deals with you!

I leaned against the wall, arms crossed, and raised an eyebrow.

Oh really? It's been so long since I last saw my husband. If you can bring him here, I will thank you.

Hmph!

Brittanys face twisted, and she went back to her phone, furiously dialing.

About an hour later, the sound of a car pulling up echoed through the station.

Brittany perked up, her eyes gleaming.

Tom's here!

She watched as a man jumped out of the car and ran towards her, grabbing Brittany and pulling her close.

"Honey, are you okay? Is the baby alright?"

Brittany wrapped her arms around the man and leaned her head on his chest.

"Honey! That crazy old woman attacked us! Our little baby got scared and started crying! You have to teach her a lesson!"

The man whipped his head around to look at me.

"What did you do to my- too...?"