sugar rush

I'd been crushing on Liam for five freaking years, and the moment I realized he was head-over-heels for freaking Brittany Miller, the head cheerleader, I knew I was done.

I switched seats in class, ditched our lunch dates, skipped our study sessions, and walked home alone.

Before my mom and I moved out of state, I shoved the scarf I'd knitted for Liam D the one I never had the guts to give him D into the desk of the girl who sat in front of him.

I think you're a decent person, here, take it! I scribbled on a note.

I never imagined I'd see Liam freaking Reynolds again.

But when we did, the scarf that was supposed to go to some random girl was wrapped around his neck.

And the second he saw the man standing next to me, his eyes went all bloodshot.

"Are you dumping me, Riley freaking Jones?"

...

The day of the freaking track meet, a bomb dropped that shook the entire school.

Liam Reynolds, the ice-cold genius at the top of our class, and Brittany Miller, the freaking head cheerleader, were officially a thing.

And me? As the so-called "friend" of these two freaking campus icons, I was bombarded the second I stepped back into school.

"You guys are always together, you have to know the freakin' inside scoop, right?"

I stared at their eager, gossipy faces.

Remembering the video I'd seen, a bitter taste rose in my throat.

If Brittany hadn't collapsed on the freaking track during the 800-meter race, Liam wouldn't have been the first one to rush over and scoop her up in his arms, carrying her to the freaking nurse's office.

The look of pure freaking panic on his face was captured on freaking camera.

I had been so freaking blind.

Liam had a freaking thing for Brittany.

I probably should have seen it coming.

I'd seen Liam looking at Brittany through the freaking window of the classroom. His eyes shining.

How could I have been so freaking stupid?

Liam and Brittany, with their freaking family connections and freaking perfect faces, were a freaking match made in freaking heaven.

A freaking star quarterback and a freaking head cheerleader.

Even if Liam liked someone, it should be Brittany.

Maybe spending so many years walking alongside them had made me forget that I was fundamentally different. My mom worked for his family, so I was in the same circles for a while.

The truth was, I never truly belonged.

Brittany's shoes cost more than a month of my mom's salary.

Liam never wore shoes that cost less than four figures

With that thought, I jammed Liam's freaking birthday gift into the bottom of my locker. I couldn't even look at it.

My mood turned ice cold: "I don't know anything about their crap."

"How could you not know?"

Someone's tone was a little too sharp.

Others chimed in: "Don't freaking hide it from us! We won't tell the freaking principal!"

"Yeah, the look on his face when Brittany fell! No way he doesn't like her!"

Each question was like a punch in the gut, as they crowded around my desk.

For the first time in two years, I was the center of attention.

But I hated it.

My control slipped: "I said I don't know! Are you freaking deaf?"

It was the first time I'd lost it. Everyone was freaking stunned.

Someone stepped back, creating a gap.

And that's when I saw Liam and Brittany standing beyond the crowd.

They must have just come back from the freaking nurse's office.

They stood together, shoulder-to-shoulder, a beautiful freaking couple.

Every eye in the classroom and hallway was on them.

Liam's cold eyes locked on mine: "Come with me for a freaking second."

Ignoring the curious, gossipy looks, he dragged me outside.

He wasn't worried about what people might think.

Because, honestly, there was nothing to worry about.

No one would ever think he and I were a freaking thing.

"Why did you let Brittany run the 800-meter race for you?"

Liam's accusatory tone cut like a freaking knife.

"I told you from the start, if you didn't want to run, don't sign up. Bailing out and having Brittany clean up your mess, and almost getting her freaking hurt."

He was practically sentencing me.

I wanted to tell him it wasn't my choice to run the 800 meter, someone put my name on the freaking list as a stupid freaking prank.

I wanted to tell him I didn't skip the race on purpose, my mom freaking passed out and I was at the freaking hospital taking care of her.

I wanted to tell him I didn't ask Brittany to run for me, I told the freaking coach to find someone else, but somehow, it turned into Brittany

But the words died in my throat, the moment I saw the freaking ice in his eyes.

He liked Brittany, whether I had an excuse or not, the fact that I indirectly freaking hurt her was all that mattered.

He knew I didn't do it on purpose, but he was still freaking pissed at me.

Pissed because I hurt the woman he was freaking obsessed with.

Explaining wouldn't freaking make him chill.

"I'm sorry."

I lowered my eyes, apologizing.

Liam frowned: "You shouldn't be apologizing to me, you should be telling Brittany."

"Okay."

Maybe I agreed too freaking quickly, too easily.

He choked a little.

His frown deepened.

His dark eyes searched mine, hesitated, then finally just said, "Yeah."

I didn't look at him, turning and heading towards Brittany's classroom.

Brittany wasn't in the same class as Liam and me.

Usually, after class, lunch, or walking home, Brittany would come to find Liam and me, then the three of us would go together.

I never thought much about it before, assuming we were all good freaking friends.

Now, I realized I was just a freaking third wheel, always standing between them, getting in the way.

They were probably sick of me being so freaking clueless.

But knowing that, I wasn't going to freaking cling to them anymore.

For days, I avoided them at lunch on the roof.

After school, I stayed late, making excuses to skip our walks home.

When they invited me to the freaking library on the weekend, I said no.

Maybe my sudden avoidance was too obvious.

Liam finally noticed.

One day after school, when Brittany came to get us, and I told them I had a freaking test to study for, Liam stood in front of my desk.

"Which freaking test?"

His tone was freaking sharp.

My heart stuttered: "Lots of them."

"How many is 'lots?' You've been studying for freaking days, why aren't you done?"

"I'm freaking stupid, I can't study, it takes me a while."

"Why don't you ask me for help?"

Liam's freaking questions were like a freaking wall, trapping me.

Right when I was about to lose it, Brittany walked in, cutting him off: "Liam, what the hell, you're freaking scaring Riley."

Brittany grabbed my hand: "Just skip it today, it's Liam's freaking birthday, aren't you going?"

Hearing that it was his birthday, I froze.

Liam's cold eyes were still on me, as if scolding me for forgetting.

In the end, I was dragged off with them.

Liam was rich, so his birthday party wasn't going to be freaking simple.

When the three of us arrived, Liam and Brittany were mobbed.

And I vanished into the freaking crowd.

Freaking invisible.

It was the first time I felt the gap between us so clearly.

Liam and I had known each other since middle school. Brittany was a more recent addition, from high school.

But she was cool, and we clicked right away. Before long, she was hanging out with Liam and me.

And that's when we found out that Brittany lived in Liam's freaking gated community.

They were neighbors.

Even if they met late, two people who were meant to be would always find their way to each other.

Across the freaking crowd, I watched Liam and Brittany, freaking happy.

Everyone was teasing them about being a perfect couple, Brittany was blushing, and Liam was smiling.

I suddenly felt like I was crashing the freaking party.

I snuck out.

I went freaking home.

I went freaking to bed.

But in the middle of the freaking night, someone started knocking on the freaking door.

I thought it was my mom, and groggily went to open it.

Liam was standing in the freaking doorway.

His face was like freaking thunder: "Why did you leave without freaking saying anything?"

I didn't know why he was so pissed. Did it freaking matter to him whether I was there or not?

He was freaking fine in the freaking videos from his party.

"Where's my freaking gift?"

He asked suddenly.

I remembered the gift I'd been making for months, and then thought about Brittany's freaking gift, a freaking scarf that cost more than my rent.

I felt freaking embarrassed.

It would be one thing if our gifts were the same, but hers cost freaking hundreds of dollars, and mine cost freaking pennies to freaking make.

My freaking scarf was freaking ugly.

"I forgot. I didn't get you anything."

Liam's eyes went cold.

He wanted to say something else, but footsteps echoed in the hall.

I stepped back and slammed the door.

Liam was pissed that I didn't get him a freaking birthday gift and didn't talk to me for over a freaking week.

He probably thought I'd be like I always was, apologizing and begging for his forgiveness.

But this time, I didn't.

I asked the freaking teacher to switch my desk.

I left his freaking table.

Because Liam was the son of an freaking alum, his desk never freaking changed.

And because I was his best freaking friend, my seat never changed either, so I was always sitting in front of him.

And now I was freaking leaving.

Liam was livid.

He dragged me to the freaking staircase and asked what my crap was.

I tried to leave, but he pushed me against the wall.

Brittany saw us and looked shocked.

Even though Liam and I weren't doing anything, I felt like I was a freaking mistress who had been freaking caught.

And that day, Brittany asked me point blank: "Do you like Liam too?"

She used "too." So it wasn't a freaking secret.

"Riley, you're my best freaking friend, I don't want us to fight over Liam."

Brittany said it with the same tone, but her words felt foreign.

Or maybe, I had never truly known her.

Because the second she heard someone coming, she fell down the stairs.

Luckily, Liam caught her.

She looked at me: "Riley didn't push me, we were freaking fighting and I lost my balance."

She was trying to make it sound better, but she wasn't.

I saw the freaking look in Liam's eyes, cold and freaking disappointed.

He didn't believe me.

My heart sank to the freaking bottom.

I turned to leave.

Liam blocked my way.

"What the freak is wrong with you?"

"She said she lost her balance. What, are you going to get mad at me?"

"Say freaking sorry!"

"..."

He was gripping my wrist so freaking hard.

I was in so much freaking pain.

"Are you going to freaking apologize?"

His eyes were like freaking knives, cutting into my freaking heart.

I wasn't going anywhere until I freaking apologized.

After a freaking minute of silence, I spoke, voice freaking full of pain: "Liam."

He frowned.

I said each word: "You're a freaking jerk."

He looked stunned.

I yanked my arm away and went back to the classroom.

Those were the last words I ever said to Liam.

Because later, my mom and I moved to another state.

The day I left Liam's house, I almost left the scarf.

So I snuck back to the school and shoved the scarf in the desk in front of his.

I added a note:

I think you're a decent person, here, take it!

I didn't know who would sit in that desk the first day of school.

I didn't know if anyone would throw away the freaking scarf.

I left my love for Liam in the past.

I deleted Liam's contact information and got a new freaking phone number.

To adapt to my new environment, and study, I worked my ass off all year.

I never had time to think about anything that had happened.

Five years freaking flew by.