Disappearing Into the Desert to Forget Him

I was in love with Silas Dawson, the man who adopted me and became my world.

To be near him, I pushed through my deepest fears and joined the military.

But on the day of my discharge, he gave the only permanent civilian position to Seraphina Vance.

She wasn't just Silas's fiance; she was the daughter of the man my father had supposedly wronged years ago.

"Avery, you owe this to her," he told me.

That single sentence stripped me of the will to fight back.

Without a second thought, I accepted my professor's offer to erase my identity and join a top-secret missile research project.

Deep in the heart of the desert, I would make sure he was forgotten forever.

1963, Washington D.C.

"Avery, this job is vital for Seraphina's future," Silas said.

"You're still young. Give her this chance to stay with the department."

Inside the mahogany-paneled office, Silas gripped my discharge papers.

He wasn't asking me; he had already made the decision.

I bit my lip so hard it bled, but I couldn't stay silent.

"Silas, this opportunity is just as important to me. I've worked for this for three years..."

Suddenly, the telephone on his desk shrilled.

Silas picked it up, and the moment he heard Seraphina's voice, his harsh expression softened instantly.

"I'll be home late. I'm handling the discharge paperwork now," he said into the receiver.

"Don't worry, I'm saving the spot for you."

"Avery? She's a sensible girl. She knows what's right."

His words were few, but they carved deep scars into my heart.

When he hung up and saw me still standing there, his tenderness vanished, replaced by sharp impatience.

"Why are you still here?"

"Avery, this isn't just my call. It's the decision of the entire district!"

"Your father's crimes ruined Seraphina's family. The fact that she doesn't sue you is a mercy."

"You grew up in a house of honor. Do you really not understand the difference between right and wrong?"

"If you keep acting like this, I'll have no choice but to send you to the frontier for some real discipline!"

Silas's tone was brutal, snapping me back to reality.

Years ago, I was just a child not even five years old when the tragedy happened.

But I knew that if it involved Seraphina, no amount of logic would change his mind.

I lowered my head and apologized out of habit.

"I understand, Silas. I'll follow your orders."

I didn't let my tears fall until I stepped out of his office.

I was an orphan Silas had taken in.

When I was five, my father was executed for a high-profile crime, leaving me completely alone.

I remember walking barefoot through the freezing snow, starving and hopeless.

Just as I was about to give up, a black Jeep pulled up beside me.

The door opened, and a teenage Silas, only ten years older than me, reached out his hand.

"Get in, little girl," he said.

Survival instinct made me reach for him, but I pulled back at the last second.

"My dad was a killer. If I go with you, I'll bring you trouble."

His grip was incredibly strong as he pulled me into the car and held me tight.

"You are your own person. Your father's sins aren't yours."

Silas had kept me against everyone's wishes.

His grandfather was so angry he made Silas kneel in the family chapel all night as punishment.

But Silas just wiped my tears and spoke softly.

"Avery, you have a home now."

"As long as I'm here, you'll never suffer again."

For twenty years, Silas had kept that promise.

Whether it was school bullies or neighborhood punks, he never let anyone lay a finger on me.

I became the protected jewel of the Dawson family.

People even whispered that given how much he doted on me, I might one day become Mrs. Dawson.

Those rumors touched a chord in my young heart, and for years, my eyes followed only him.

I even gave up a prestigious teaching job at the Defense Academy just to stay by his side in the service.

But Silas's feelings for me always remained tepid, almost clinical.

When I finally gathered the courage to confess, the usually gentle Silas blew up at me for the first time.

"Avery Dawson, I am your brother!"

Shortly after, he brought home a fiance with lightning speed.

Seraphina Vance.

I would never forget the day she arrived at the Dawson estate.

She had a perfect smile as she reached out to greet me.

"Hello. I'm Silas's fiance," she said.

Those five words shattered me completely.

They turned a decade of my secret longing into a pathetic joke.

"Avery, there you are. Have you thought about the job? Are you staying with the unit?"

2.

The sudden voice broke my train of thought.

I looked up to see Arthur Sterling, Silas's close friend and my former college professor.

My throat felt tight, and my voice was barely a whisper.

"I can't stay."

"Why? I remember your performance was always top-tier..."

Arthur started to say, but he saw the bitterness on my face and stopped himself.

He quickly changed the subject.

"Then how about joining my team?"

"The conditions are rough, but I think it's perfect for you."

He handed me a thick file.

I glanced at the cover. It was a missile research project called "Project Reef Breaker," located deep in the mountains of the Northwest.

"I know you've studied ballistics. If you hadn't insisted on joining Silas's unit, you'd already be a lead on this project."

"The project hit a wall, and they've asked me to bring in fresh talent. You were the first person I thought of."

"The only thing is, it's far from D.C., and it's top-secret. You'd have to erase your legal identity."

"You don't have to answer now. Take a few days to think about it."

Erase my identity...

My eyes lingered on the file as Silas's face flashed through my mind.

Ten days ago, when Seraphina moved in, I accidentally overheard her complaining to Silas.

"Silas, I know it's not Avery's fault, but seeing her face makes me think of the man who killed my parents."

"I've been having nightmares. The doctor says the stress is making my heart condition worse."

"After we get married, can we move out?"

I had stood frozen outside the door, holding a glass of milk the family had told me to give my new sister-in-law.

I wanted to turn and run, but Silas's voice stopped me cold.

"We don't need to move. I'll just have her leave."

"But is that okay? She's lived here for so long. I'd feel bad kicking her out..."

Seraphina's voice sounded fake and sweet, but Silas just pulled her into a hug.

"You're my fiance and the future lady of this house. Of course it's okay."

"Besides, she owes you this."

No words could have hurt more than those coming from Silas.

After my father died, everyone called me the devil's child.

They stripped me and chased me into the street.

In that frozen wasteland, I thought I deserved it for being a murderer's daughter.

It was Silas who reached out and told me otherwise.

"He is him, and you are you," he had said.

For twenty years, he was my guardian, shielding me from the world's cruelty.

I thought that even if the whole world hated me, I'd always have Silas.

I never imagined that in his heart, I was still just the daughter of a criminal.

My head spun, and I lost my balance, tumbling down the stairs.

The crash caught the attention of the people in the room.

They rushed out, and Silas ran down the stairs to help me.

Seeing the concern in his eyes, I had a fleeting hope that I had misheard him earlier.

But then Seraphina swayed and clutched her head.

"Silas, my head is spinning..."

Silas stopped mid-step and immediately turned to scoop Seraphina into his arms.

He moved like the wind, stepping right past me without even a glance.

I didn't want to bother them, but my knee was throbbing so much I couldn't stand.

"Silas, could you..." I whispered.

He cut me off with a harsh tone.

"Avery, grow up. Seraphina is sick. If she has an episode, it's a life-or-death situation."

"You just had a fall. Get up and put some ice on it yourself. Stop being so dramatic."

With that, he hurried out, leaving me with no chance to speak.

I touched the back of my head and felt wet blood, but before I could try to stand, the world went black.

Back in the present, I looked at the consent form and signed my name without hesitation.

"I don't need time to think. I'm in."

"When do we leave? I need to pack my bags."

3.

Departure was set for three days later.

The identity erasure process would be finalized then as well.

Professor Sterling begged me to tell my family and say a proper goodbye.

But I knew I didn't have a family anymore.

I went home alone to pack, only to find my belongings piled outside the door.

My clothes, my books, and even my old bedding had been tossed out like trash.

Even my merit medals were scattered on the ground, stepped on by people passing by.

I hurried to pick them up, but a pair of beautiful red heels stepped right in front of me.

I recognized those shoes. I had asked Silas for them for my birthday last month.

He had gone to great lengths, calling department stores across the country to find them.

Then he had told me they were out of stock.

Now, they were on Seraphina's feet.

The message was loud and clear.

Seraphina noticed my gaze and her tone turned smug as she flaunted the shoes.

"Do you like them? Silas bought them for me."

I didn't say a word. I just bent down to pick up my medals.

But Seraphina couldn't stand my silence. She slammed her red heel down onto the back of my hand.

A sharp pain shot through my fingers, and I looked up at her.

Her face was twisted and ugly, nothing like the sweet girl she pretended to be in front of Silas.

"Avery, say something!" she hissed.

"I have nothing to say to you," I said, frowning.

Seraphina let out a cold laugh.

"Nothing to say? Or are you just scared?"

"Silas gave me the only promotion. You're done at the unit."

"And you're done at this house, too. There's no room for you here anymore!"

"If you have any dignity left, grab your trash and get lost!"

I tried to keep my cool, but I couldn't help but snap back.

"You have no right to touch my things."

That sentence set her off like a bomb.

She began grabbing the rest of my things from the bedroom and throwing them at my feet.

"I have no right?"

"I'm going to be Mrs. Dawson!"

"And you? You're just a killer's brat!"

"Get out! Get out of this house!"

Her words stung, but I wasn't going to fight her.

Then, she grabbed a small ceramic soldier from the corner.

My heart leaped into my throat, and I lunged forward.

"No! Put it down!"

Seraphina saw the panic in my eyes and grinned.

Instead of putting it down, she raised it high and smashed it toward the floor.

I dropped to my knees and caught it just before it hit the ground.

My injured knee twisted painfully, but I felt a wave of relief.

Silas had given this to me when I first came to the Dawson house.

It was more than just a toy to me.

Even if I left, I wanted to take this piece of him with me.

But my relief lasted only a second. Seraphina kicked my hand with all her might.

I cried out in pain, and the ceramic soldier flew from my grip, shattering against the wall.

The sound of the breaking ceramic was like a bell tolling for my heart.

I looked at her with tear-filled eyes, demanding to know why she did it.

Seraphina stood tall and looked down at me with pure disgust.

"Because I want you to know exactly where you stand."

"You're a criminal's daughter. You should be in hell with your father."

I had heard those words a thousand times, but hearing them from her felt like ice in my veins.

Driven by fury, I stood up to confront her.

But a shadow suddenly blocked my path, shielding Seraphina while a voice roared at me.

"Avery! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

4.

"Silas, it's all my fault."

Before I could say a word, Seraphina beat me to it.

She began to sob, her tears falling like rain as she clung to Silas.

"Avery came home today and heard about our wedding in three days. She insisted on moving out immediately."

"I tried to tell her to wait for you, but she called me a meddler and attacked me."

"I'm sure she didn't mean it. She's just upset that we're together..."

She poured bucket after bucket of lies over me.

I opened my mouth to explain, but Silas didn't give me the chance.

"Avery, can't you just accept her?"

"I didn't do anything! Seraphina was the one whoD"

"Shut up! She's your sister-in-law!"

His roar silenced me. He took Seraphina's hands, checking her for any scratches.

Her hands were perfect, except for a slight redness from throwing my things around.

Still, Silas acted like she was dying and moved to get her medicine.

Before they left, Seraphina gave me a look of pure triumph.

I should have known.

Silas only cared about Seraphina.

To him, I was just a stray dog he had picked up and regretted keeping.

I knelt on the floor, picking up my broken life bit by bit.

Most of my things were ruined, lying in the dirt like that shattered ceramic soldier.

I sniffed, trying to blink back tears as I reached for a sharp piece of ceramic, but it sliced right through my finger.

When Silas came back, he saw me huddled on the floor, lonely and bleeding.

He looked like he wanted to ask where the staff was, but then he saw my bleeding hand.

His expression flickered with worry, but his words remained cold.

"Why are you picking up that trash?"

I froze. I wanted to tell him it wasn't trash.

It was the first gift he had ever given me.

Back then, I was small and plagued by nightmares of my father's death.

He had given me that soldier and told me it was his representative.

He told me it would protect me from anyone who tried to hurt me.

For years, it had been my source of courage.

But seeing the irritation in Silas's eyes, I just nodded and whispered, "Right."

I grabbed my legal documents and stood up to leave.

My calmness seemed to unsettle him. He looked like he was losing something important.

He called out to me as I headed for the stairs.

"I've arranged a new place for you. It's on the old side of town, fully furnished."

"You don't need to take anything. Just move in."

"No, thank you," I refused.

In three days, I would be gone forever.

A new apartment was a waste of time.

But Silas clearly misunderstood my rejection. His face darkened with annoyance.

"Avery, no matter what you do, I can only ever be your brother!"

"Our wedding is almost here. Can you stop throwing a tantrum for once?"

Brother...

The word felt like acid in my throat. I felt hot tears threatening to spill.

Silas looked like he had been stung by something.

He reached out as if to wipe my face, but the door behind him opened.

Seraphina was standing there, watching us like a hawk.

He pulled his hand back and hardened his voice again, calling for the driver.

His cold tone and forced distance finally killed the last of my tears.

I swallowed the explanation that I would just stay at the barracks and got into the car.

The engine started, and we drove away from the estate.

Silas watched the car go, a strange feeling of unease settling in his chest.

But before he could process it, Seraphina wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Silas, now it's just the two of us. Maybe tonight..."

He gently removed her hands.

"I have a night shift. Go to sleep early."

He left in a hurry, leaving Seraphina standing there in her silk nightgown, fuming.

She clenched her fists.

She made a silent vow right then.

"Avery Dawson, I will make sure you disappear before the wedding!"

5.

The car drove me out of the Dawson estate.

But I didn't go to the new place Silas had picked out.

I asked the driver to drop me off at the Defense Academy.

I found Professor Sterling and handed him my identity documents.

He looked at me, seeing the absolute finality in my eyes.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked.

"Once you go, you might not be back for five, maybe ten years."

"No outside contact is allowed. You and Silas were so close..."

"He's getting married," I interrupted him.

Seeing his shocked expression, I continued.

"The bride is the daughter of my father's victim."

"She hates me. The Northwest is the best place for me now."

Arthur didn't know what to say.

As my teacher, he knew my past and the bond I shared with Silas.

People called us siblings, but Silas's devotion had always seemed like something much deeper.

He never imagined Silas would marry someone else.

He sighed and took the papers, but he tried one last time.

"Should I tell the board to delay your departure for a few days?"

I was firm. "No. I don't want to be a burden."

Stepping out of the university, I actually felt lighter.

Snow began to fall from the gray sky.

It had been twenty years since I first came to the Dawsons.

I thought I'd be there until I was an old woman.

I didn't think it would end like this.

I headed toward the barracks, but the family car was still there.

The driver rolled down the window.

"Miss Avery, Silas gave strict orders. I have to see you into the new apartment."

I realized Silas was probably just afraid I'd cause a scene at the wedding.

But my heart had already died the moment he chose Seraphina.

I wouldn't even care if they had a dozen kids now.

I tried to tell the driver I'd stay at the barracks, but he didn't budge.

I finally gave in and got back into the car.

We arrived at the old side of town.

Looking at the familiar, crumbling street, I lacked the courage to step out.

The driver's impatient sigh forced me to take a deep breath and move.

I walked fast, hoping no one would see me, but the driver was moving like a snail.

As I reached the door to the apartment, he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Miss Avery, I've got your two red trunks here! Where do you want them?"

The neighbors were already peeking out at the sound of the car.

Hearing about expensive red trunks made everyone lean out of their windows.

I felt exposed and vulnerable. I asked him to just bring them up, but he stayed put.

I had to go down and grab them myself.

As I took the heavy trunks from him, he shouted again.

"Don't blame Silas, kid. You are the daughter of that killer, Frank Sun."

"Silas's fiance was a victim of your dad. Your presence would ruin the wedding."

"Seraphina was even kind enough to let you stay in this building she owns. She's being a saint."

The rest of his words faded into a hum.

All I could hear was "daughter of that killer, Frank Sun" ringing in my ears.

I looked back in terror.

The curiosity in the neighbors' eyes had turned into pure, unfiltered hatred.

They slammed their windows shut as if I were a plague.

6.

My chest felt tight as I looked at the two large red trunks.

The wood was polished to a deep, blood-red shine, smelling of expensive lacquer.

They were brand new, nothing like the old trunks I'd had for a decade.

I understood everything now.

But I didn't scream or fight. I just turned and started hauling them up the stairs.

Splat!

A rotten egg hit me right in the forehead.

The stench was immediate and nauseating.

I looked up and saw a young boy standing by a window.

His mother grabbed him and pulled him inside, slamming the window shut.

But because I looked at her, she opened it again and started screaming at me.

"What are you looking at? It was just an egg! Are you going to kill my son now?"

"You really are that monster's daughter! A born killer!"

"Help! Everyone, help! She's trying to kill us!"

The woman's wailing brought a crowd of angry residents into the hallway.

They surrounded me, carrying brooms, pipes, and whatever else they could find.

I tried to explain, but no one would listen.

I was knocked to the ground almost instantly.

Pain exploded through my body as they kicked and hit me.

Someone hit me in the head with something heavy, and I felt a warm rush of blood.

As my vision blurred, I felt like I was five years old again, right after my father was executed.

The crowd back then had done the same thing, telling me I didn't deserve to live.

But this time, there was no strong hand reaching out to save me.

The cold was settling into my bones, and I curled into a ball.

Just as I thought I was going to die there, a figure rushed in, shouting at the mob.

"What are you doing?"

"Stop, or I'm calling the police!"

The crowd scattered like rats. A man knelt beside me, his voice full of panic.

"Avery? Are you okay?"

I tried to whisper a name, but the world faded into darkness.

When I woke up, I was in a hospital room.

The smell of disinfectant was overwhelming.

In the second before I had passed out, I thought I had seen Silas.

The door opened, and Professor Sterling walked in. He looked incredibly relieved.

"Thank God you're awake."

I looked at him, my heart sinking with the truth.

"Professor... was it you who saved me?"

"Yes, I was passing by. Those people are animals! How could they do that?"

"I'm going to the precinct. I'll make sure they're all locked up!"

He was fuming, but I just gave a weak, bitter smile.

Silas was the one who put me there. Why would he come for me?

I grabbed Arthur's sleeve to stop him.

"Don't. It's not worth it."

He wanted to argue, but I looked down at my bruised and bandaged body and laughed softly.

"Professor, do you think if I 'died' from an infection, Silas would believe it?"

Arthur didn't answer. He just told me to rest.

"We leave soon. Don't let this hold you back."

I nodded, but I couldn't resist using the hospital phone to call Silas.

7.

Silas was alone in his room, tossing and turning.

Earlier that day, the housekeeper had called to ask what to do with the rest of my things.

He wanted to tell her to toss them, but he kept seeing me on the floor, trying to save that ceramic soldier.

It was a cheap toy he'd bought on a whim, and he couldn't believe I'd kept it so long.

He had actually driven back to the house to save it.

But he was too late. The trash had already been hauled away.

On his way home, he had stopped by a ceramic shop, but he couldn't find a soldier.

He ended up buying a ceramic tank instead, thinking it was close enough.

Now, he sat staring at the tank on his desk, feeling a strange weight in his chest.

His assistant knocked on the door.

"Sir, Miss Avery is on the line. She wants to speak with you."

Silas didn't even put on a jacket before rushing to the phone.

"Silas? Are you busy the day after tomorrow?" I asked.

"I'd like you to come see my final performance."

I had wanted to tell him I was in the hospital.

But I was afraid he'd think I was just faking it for attention.

Silas's lips curved into a small smile he didn't even notice.

He had been worried I was pulling away from him because of his harshness.

"I'll be there. Just tell me when and where."

When I hung up, I felt a strange sense of peace.

His wedding was the same day I was leaving. I couldn't attend the ceremony.

This performance would be my wedding gift to him.

And the final curtain call for my foolish love.

The next morning, I checked myself out of the hospital despite the pain.

I went to the theater to pick out my costume.

But as I found the perfect dress, a hand snatched it away.

Seraphina was there with a group of girls, looking at my bandages with a sneer.

"Avery, you're like a cockroach. I can't believe you're standing after that beating."

"Right?" another girl chimed in. "I heard her killer father was the same way. Took a whole squad to take him down."

"Maybe it's in the blood. Is she going to go on a rampage next?"

"Didn't you hear? Silas stripped her of her rank and gave it to Seraphina."

"He's sending her to the Northwest to plant trees with the convicts."

"I heard the women out there end up sleeping with the workers just for a piece of bread."

"Avery, which path are you going to take?"

I ignored them and reached for another costume.

But Seraphina wasn't done. She grabbed a pair of scissors and began shredding the costumes, throwing the scraps at me.

"Avery, do you know what I hate most about you?"

"You're a criminal's daughter, but you act like you're royalty."

"Silas is mine. Get that through your thick head."

"Go to the desert and rot where you belong!"

"A performance? Silas isn't coming to see a piece of trash like you!"

"Get out! You don't belong in this troupe or this city!"

The insults hit me like bullets.

I felt like a target in a firing range, surrounded by hate.

Someone pushed me, and then the whole group swarmed me, kicking and hitting.

By the time they were done, my arm was broken.

Seraphina knelt down and slapped my face lightly.

"Avery, the Dawsons aren't for you. Silas isn't for you."

"Leave now, and maybe you'll survive."

"By the way, tomorrow is my birthday party. Who do you think Silas will choose?"

8.

I didn't have to wait long for the answer.

The next day, I fought through the pain and went backstage.

I waited and waited, but Silas never appeared in the audience.

I called the barracks, and someone told me the truth.

"Silas went home early. It's Seraphina's birthday."

"Didn't you know, Avery?"

My heart finally went completely cold.

I wasn't important to him at all.

I called the house and insisted on speaking to him.

The housekeeper answered instead.

"He took Miss Seraphina to the best restaurant in the city. He won't be back for hours."

But in hours, my performance would be over.

I hung up, feeling like a ghost.

The director asked if I was still going on.

I looked at the empty seat I had reserved for Silas.

He wasn't coming. He was never coming.

But I went on anyway and danced my heart out one last time.

The audience roared with applause, but tears streamed down my face.

My youth and my love were ending in this lonely spotlight.

After the show, Professor Sterling came backstage with a stack of books.

"The trip to the Northwest is long. These are for the journey."

"Also... you were beautiful out there."

"Thank you," I said, taking the books.

I was never a natural dancer.

I joined the military at twenty, and the training nearly broke me.

But the thought of being near Silas kept me going.

I chose the performance troupe just to be in his orbit, even though every stretch made me want to cry.

I had spent ten years loving him and three years chasing him.

And all it took to end it was him saying, "You owe this to Seraphina."

My father was a killer, and I was his daughter. No matter how much time passed, I couldn't escape that.

Fine. I would give Seraphina everything I took from the Dawsons.

I would spend the rest of my life serving the country to atone for my father's sins.

"When does the transport leave?" I asked.

"Tomorrow morning," Arthur said.

Tomorrow morning. Silas's wedding day.

We would never see each other again.

I gathered my things and went to the pickup point.

The other volunteers were all older people; I was the only young face there.

The officer in charge checked my papers one last time.

"Avery Dawson, Project Reef Breaker is no joke. Once your identity is erased, you are dead to the world."

"You can never contact your family again. Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I'm a patriot. This is my duty."

He gestured for me to get on the truck.

As the engine roared to life, Silas's car passed by the convoy.

Seraphina was in the passenger seat, holding his hand and smiling.

"Silas, yesterday was wonderful. Are you excited for our wedding today?"

Silas didn't know. He had felt a strange tightness in his chest since last night.

It felt like something vital was being ripped away from him.

He looked at the truck full of people.

"Where is that convoy heading?" he asked.

"The Northwest, probably. Just some laborers," Seraphina said, dismissively.

Silas looked out the window and thought he saw a familiar face.

But when he looked closer, the person had turned away.

He figured he was just seeing things.

He had already arranged a safe job for Avery at a local department store so she wouldn't have to work in the sun.

He planned to tell her the good news after the ceremony.

The wedding car drove toward the church, and the truck drove toward the desert.

Two paths, never to cross again.