The first lover

Id been crushing on Ethan for twelve years, watching him go through girlfriends like tissues. Just when everyone thought I might actually tame the heartbreaker, he blocked me for another girl. A month later, he was down on one knee in a field of roses, begging for another chance. I pulled a bright red wedding invitation from my purse, smiled, and said, "I'm getting married next week. I hope you can make it."

...

Ethan texted our group chat: "Meet at the usual spot tonight, got something to announce." His best friend, Josh, teased, "Whoa, so formal. Is the player finally settling down?" It was a running joke, and usually, Ethan would laugh it off. This time, he just replied, "Yeah." One simple word, but it sent ripples through the group. The chat exploded. "No way! Mr. Heartbreaker is tying the knot?!" "Did Olivia finally land him?" "Let me guess! Ethan hasn't been dating anyone recently, so it must be Olivia!" "I always said he was different with her! He never brought girls around before she moved back!" My feelings for Ethan were no secret, just like his obvious favoritism towards me. He didn't reply, seemingly confirming everyone's assumptions. After all these years, despite his revolving door of girlfriends, Id always been his constant. Anyone would think my wait was finally over.

Ethan was the last to arrive, with a shy girl trailing behind him. Her small hand gripped his shirt, her wide eyes darting around the room with innocent curiosity. She looked like a fawn straying into unfamiliar territory, reminding me of myself twelve years ago when I first moved in with the Millers. The playful banter in the room died down as Ethan pulled her forward and put his arm around her. "Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Summer." His eyes never left her, full of tenderness. Sensing the awkward silence, Summer shrunk closer to him, looking nervous. Josh was the first to recover, letting out a forced laugh. "Keeping secrets, huh? When did this happen?" His gaze kept flicking to me, concern masked but easily readable after all these years. Ethan had never formally introduced a girlfriend to us before. We all knew what this meant. He ruffled Summers hair. "A couple of months now. Summers a bit shy, so be nice." Twelve years ago, it was the same group, the same words: "Olivias a bit shy, so be nice." Back then, I was a small-town girl fresh off the bus, awkward and self-conscious in my new, affluent surroundings. Ethan had been the one to pull me into their circle. That year, I was fourteen, and he became my light.

Maybe the others were closer to Ethan, but I'd always been the only girl in the group, the one everyone assumed would end up with him. To avoid making me uncomfortable, their reactions were subdued. Summer bit her lip, eyes welling up. "Ethan," she whispered, "do they not like me?" Her use of his first name made me cringe. Teenage Ethan used to tease me relentlessly, stealing my hair ties and making me call him big brother before hed give them back. Before he had grown out of his boyish charm, he used to hate girls who acted cutesy. Just as Ethan was about to comfort her, a glass shattered in the corner. It was Ashton, the one person whod always had it out for me. His face was hard. "Ethan, what the hell have you been doing to Olivia all these years?!" Ethans face darkened. He scanned the room, his eyes landing on me. "I don't know what you're all assuming, but Olivia has always been like a sister to me."

Like a sister. Did he forget last New Year's Eve when Josh bought fireworks and asked him to join? Ethan had just lounged beside me, grinning. "Nah, I'm staying with my Olivia." Someone had teased, "Since when is she your Olivia?" He'd tossed a clementine at them, laughing. "Always has been! Shes practically my childhood sweetheart!" Just six months ago and now I was a sister. I pressed a hand to my chest. There was a pang, a dull ache, but nowhere near as devastating as Id expected. Instead, there was a sense of closure, like finally receiving a rejection letter from a literary magazine twelve years after submitting a story Id poured my heart into. It was a calm acceptance: "Oh, okay. I see." The years of waiting had worn down the initial excitement and hope. My feelings for Ethan were the same. Not gone, just dormant. The outcome no longer held the same power over me.

Ashton started to say something else, but I stopped him. He glared at me and muttered, "Useless," before storming out. I couldnt stay. Grabbing my bag, I followed him. Just as I reached the door, Ethan called out, "Olivia, get back here!" I turned and smiled. "Its okay, Ethan. Have fun. I'll check on Ashton." It was the first time I'd willingly called him Ethan. He didn't look pleased. His face hardened. "Get back here!" This time, I didnt listen. As I pushed the door open, I heard the crash of more breaking glass. The door closed behind me, shutting out the noise.

Checking on Ashton was just an excuse. Despite him sticking up for me, I still remembered how he treated me in school pelting me with dodgeballs, snipping my braids, hiding my textbooks, putting caterpillars in my desk Gratitude was one thing. Id send him a thank you gift. But becoming friends? No way. I was heading home when I spotted him leaning against the wall outside, smoking. He tossed the cigarette in the trash when he saw me. "I rode with Josh. Are you heading back? Mind if I get a ride?" I sighed and relented. In twelve years of friendship, this was one of the few times wed been alone without arguing. I dropped him off at his house. He didn't move. After a long silence, he mumbled, "That Summer girl she's a lot like you used to be." So what? She wasn't me, and I wasn't her. I didnt want to discuss it, so I opened the car door, practically shoving him out. Ignoring his indignant shouts, I pulled away and turned into the next driveway. My house was next door to Ashtons, Ethans right beside that. This was a neighborhood of privilege.

Ashton called as soon as I parked, telling me to check the group chat. It was blowing up with red envelopes virtual cash gifts. Ethan had added Summer to the group, and everyone was sending her welcome gifts. I sent one too. The next second, Ethan kicked me out of the chat. A private message followed: "Sorry, Olivia, your presence makes Summer uncomfortable. Let's not contact each other for a while." My fingers trembled as I typed back a simple "Okay." The message bounced back with a glaring red exclamation point. Hed blocked me. Twelve years of friendship, from childhood to adulthood, lost to a two-month fling. I stared at the exclamation point, eyes stinging but dry. The old Ethan would pat my head and say, "Olivia, nobody's more important to me than my parents and you."

I loved Ethan, but Id never crossed a line, never even hinted at my feelings. Whenever he had a girlfriend, Id deliberately kept my distance, afraid of being a burden. Yet, any attempt to pull away only seemed to annoy him. His first girlfriend was my college roommate, a girl who knew exactly how I felt about him. They showed up hand-in-hand, her smile radiant. She seemed to have forgotten all the whispered secrets wed shared, thanking me with saccharine sincerity. "Olivia, thank you. I couldn't have gotten Ethan without you." The wind howled that day as I stood there, feeling like a fool. That's when it hit me: shed befriended me solely to get to him. I distanced myself from both of them. Their romance lasted all of three days. She cried in our dorm room, then turned on me, eyes puffy and accusing. "Ethan dumped me. Are you happy now?!" I was baffled. I hadn't done anything. But since she asked, I told her the truth. "Yeah, I am."

That night, Ethan dragged me out to a fancy dinner. "Come on, Liv," hed pleaded, "you've been ignoring me for three days! Don't be mad." I explained, "I'm not mad. You have a girlfriend, and we should keep some distance. It's better for everyone." "But I only dated her because I thought you two were friends! If you like someone, I like them. If you don't, I don't." He said it with such conviction. After that, he avoided dating anyone I knew and never brought his girlfriends around. But our social circle was small. Word always got back to me. At holiday gatherings, people would tease him, "Ethan, when are you going to bring a girl around for us to meet?" He'd put a peeled shrimp in my bowl, answering casually, "Not yet." A few of his girlfriends had even contacted me, begging or berating me to stay away from him. It became clear: even if I did nothing, my mere existence was a problem. So when Ethan asked me to cut ties with him for Summer, I respected his decision. But why kick me out of the group chat? It wasn't just him; my closest friends were there too. My phone buzzed with calls. I declined them all, texting back that I was fine, telling them not to worry. Kindness was too much to bear when I was on the verge of tears.

An hour later, Josh showed up at my house, sporting a bruised face. He flopped onto the couch, accepting the ice pack I offered. "What happened?" I asked. He sighed. "Ethan pissed some people off and got jumped. I tried to break it up and got caught in the crossfire." "Where are they now?" I asked. He shifted the ice pack, wincing. "They took Ethan to the hospital." I stayed silent. After a few minutes, Josh asked hesitantly, "Olivia, Ethan's just confused. We all see how much Summer looks like" "When he comes to his senses, will you give him another chance?" The unspoken ending was, like you. I frowned, avoiding the question. "Josh, I think I need to go visit Grandma."

When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad's business almost went bankrupt. A fortune teller blamed it on me, saying I was bad luck. Since my mom was nine months along, there wasnt much they could do. So, as soon as I was born, I was sent to live with my grandma in a small town in Georgia. She named me Olivia, her only treasure. But when I was fourteen, she passed away, and I was nobodys treasure anymore. Id always thought, at least there's Ethan. Even if I wasnt a treasure, I was his first choice. And that wasnt so bad. But reality had a way of hitting hard.

It was the rainy season in Georgia, the air thick with humidity. I walked along the familiar cobblestone streets, umbrella in hand. At the end of the road was the old three-story house where Id spent my childhood. My mom always said Grandma was stubborn. Even though her daughter had married into money, she insisted on staying in that small town, clinging to her rundown house. But that stubborn old woman had given me the happiest years of my life. The rain was light. A street vendor rode by on a tricycle, his loudspeaker looping, "Peaches, fresh Georgia peaches!" A woman came out of a nearby house, umbrella up, to buy some. She spotted me and gasped. "Olivia? What are you doing here? It's not time for your grandmas memorial yet!" I forced a smile, tears pricking my eyes. "I missed home. Just here for a few days." She glanced at my suitcase, her expression softening. "Honey, you came all this way alone? Your grandma's house has been empty for ages. It must be damp with all this rain." "Why don't you stay with us? My son, Alex, is hardly ever home. Youd keep me company." She grabbed my suitcase and led me to her house.

I was given Alexs room. Mrs. Petersons hospitality was overwhelming. After several failed attempts to refuse, I gave in when she asked, her voice tinged with hurt, if I thought their home wasnt good enough. Alexs room was clean and simple. The most prominent feature was a large bookcase filled with books, models, and trophies. Very fitting for the straight-A student hed always been. He was two years older than me. We werent close, but we weren't strangers either. Besides growing up together, wed also gone to the same college him on a full scholarship, me thanks to in-state tuition. Ashton called that night. His voice sounded subdued. "Josh said you went back to Georgia?" I murmured, Yeah. After a long pause, he grumbled, "Why didn't you tell me? I would have come with you." Ashtons feelings for me had become apparent after our awkward teenage years. I didnt hesitate to shut him down. "It's okay. Focus on work." "Be careful on your own. I'll wrap things up here and come get you in a few days." He hung up before I could protest.

The rain stopped overnight. I was about to visit Grandmas grave when I bumped into Alex at the front door. The breeze carried the scent of damp earth and rustled his shirt. Hed grown from a lanky teenager into a handsome young man. His eyes flickered with an emotion I couldn't decipher. "Long time no see," he said, his voice low and pleasant, just as I remembered. "Long time no see," I echoed, smiling. Now that he was back, I couldnt impose on his family any longer. I said goodbye to Mrs. Peterson. She frowned thoughtfully. "I don't feel right about you staying there alone. Tell you what, let Alex move back in with you." Before I could refuse, Alex spoke. "Okay." "I'll help you clean up the place later." Under Mrs. Petersons hopeful gaze, I agreed.

Even though the house had been empty, I'd paid for upkeep over the years. It just needed a good dusting. After we cleaned, I sat on the front steps, lost in thought. The rain-washed sky was a brilliant blue, dotted with fluffy white clouds, a stark contrast to the smog-filled skies of LA. Alex handed me a bottle of water. I looked up and smiled. "What brings you back?" He grinned. "Mom tricked me." "What about you?" he asked. Alex was undeniably attractive. The sun warmed his skin, making him look almost golden. His glasses hid intelligent, warm eyes. I looked away, searching for the right words. "Healing," I finally said.

Life in the small town was slow and peaceful. I settled into a comfortable routine with Alex. He was the perfect housemate, bringing me books to read and even finding me a puppy that looked just like Grandma's old dog. I sat on the floor, cuddling the puppy, when the tears Id been holding back finally came. Alex stood quietly until I was done, then knelt and ruffled my hair. "Been wronged, Liv?" he asked gently. The familiar words unearthed a flood of memories. As a child, Id been teased mercilessly for being fatherless. Id hide and cry, and Alex would always find me, asking the same question. Gradually, the teasing stopped. I only learned why when I saw him cornering one of my tormentors in an alleyway, giving him a beating. I realized Id been very attached to Alex before I left. Why had we drifted apart?

A few days later, Josh sent me a video of Ethan, sprawled on the floor of a club, clutching a bottle and slurring my name. Summer stood beside him, biting her lip, eyes brimming with tears. Two messages followed the video: "Olivia, when are you coming back? Ethan's drunk and keeps asking for you." "He's making a scene at Cloud Nine. We cant control him." Cloud Nine was the usual spot, Ethans familys upscale club. Ethan rarely drank, but whenever he did, I was the only one who could get him to leave quietly. I was surprised he even recognized me when he was drunk. I'd once asked him if he was ever worried about mistaking someone else for me. He'd just laughed and said, "Never. Youre the one and only Olivia." It was these small gestures that fueled my twelve-year crush. Hope keeps you going, doesnt it? I replied, "Dont tell me about him anymore." Josh called immediately. I answered, knowing he wasnt to blame. "Hey, Olivia. Ethans been really struggling" Shouting erupted in the background: "Ethan, stop! Dont grab my phone!" Then Ethans voice filled my ear. "Liv? When are you coming to get me?" "I was in the hospital the other day, and you didnt even visit! I havent seen you in so long. His voice grew softer, almost a whimper. "Liv I miss you" I hung up without a word.

That night, Summer sent me a friend request, saying she had something to show me. I wasn't interested, but she was persistent. After the twentieth request, I gave in. She sent a picture of herself and Ethan in bed, her dark hair spread across the pillow. "Olivia," she wrote, "I know you like him, but Ethan only sees you as a sister. He told me he only loves me." "He was drinking and calling for you tonight because he saw me talking to another guy. He was jealous. I dont want you to misunderstand." I read her rambling message, feeling nothing. Twelve years of feelings ended the moment he kicked me out of the group chat. Falling out of love wasnt as hard as Id imagined. "Oh," I replied. "I wish you both happiness."

It rained for days. Alex liked to brew tea and sketch by the window. Id curl up on the couch with a book, the puppy, Pudding, asleep at my feet. Since the day I cried in front of him, wed grown closer. The sound of rain outside, his pen scratching against paper, the occasional rustle of pages it was a picture of domestic tranquility. A frantic knock shattered the peace. It was Mrs. Peterson's neighbor. "Alex, your mom just collapsed! Come quick!" Alex froze, then bolted out the door. I followed close behind. Mrs. Peterson had always been kind to us, especially after Grandma died. She'd been bringing us homemade food almost every day. She was lying in bed, looking strangely peaceful. Alex rushed to her side. "Mom, are you okay? Should we go to the hospital?" She glanced at me, then sighed. "I wasn't going to tell you" She fumbled under her pillow and handed Alex a piece of paper. "I don't have much time left. My biggest wish is to see you married before I go. The paper was a medical report: terminal cancer. Alexs face crumpled. After a long silence, he said, It could be a misdiagnosis. Well get a second opinion.

Despite his words, Alex grew quieter each day. He started hiding to smoke. Id find him the same way he used to find me crying as a kid. I'd never seen him smoke before. It broke my heart. One evening, I found him on the back porch, staring out at the rain. "Liv," he said quietly, "would you marry me?"